Love is one of those emotions that needs constant attention. If we let is stagnate, it starts to wane.
If we start taking each other for granted, we may wonder if there is any love left there to reignite.
Perhaps something made you lose your feelings for your husband. You’re wondering if they could come back.
Whatever the reason, you’ve realized you don’t love your husband anymore. You’re looking to see if it could return.
There are ways you can try to get back the love you had for each other. It won’t happen overnight, but loving again is possible.
Can I love my husband again?
Yes, you can love your husband again, but it will take time and effort. It won’t come easy and changes will need to be made in your relationship. But love was there once and it can come back if you are determined enough.
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The love must have been there before
To get married in the first place, there must have been love. You go through a ceremony with your partner and declare your love for each other.
These steps are a big deal and no one goes into them lightly. A spark may have happened from the moment you first met.
Then you got to know each other and have dates. You become boyfriend and girlfriend and over time your love grows.
We usually first feel love at a certain point in the relationship. It’s only then and after some time you consider commitment.
After everything you go through leading to and resulting in marriage. The bond will surely have grown.
Love involves the deepest intimacy you can have with someone. This is what a husband has with his wife.
Love doesn’t disappear so easily. Whether you’re looking to love or be in love with your husband, either can be found again.
What happened to make you fall out of love?
Maybe you’ve grown apart over the years or perhaps you or your husband had an affair. Maybe you got married too young and wonder if there was true love there to begin with.
If you’ve grown apart, it’s easy for a marriage to turn into more of a brother and sister relationship. Especially when there’re children involved.
A marriage can easily become a boring routine that has remained the same way and lost it’s spark. Maybe you look at your husband differently than when you got married.
If an affair is the cause, then your head or his has been turned. You or your husband went elsewhere for something you should have got from each other. It’s a big betrayal.
Whoever is to blame the affair needs to stop and you need to find out what caused it in the first place. Did one of you feel neglected and your needs weren’t met.
Communication is always the one thing that disappears when the love does. Yet talking is one of the most important ways to help get it back.
There are all kinds of things we can do to get the love back. But if you don’t express yourselves to each other, you won’t get anywhere.
4 steps to rekindle the love and intimacy
I say intimacy because that’s important too. This is what separates the relationship from any other. It’s the physical and emotional connection formed between a husband and wife.
Every relationship could do with attention on a regular basis. By doing that we build stronger foundations than were there before. It is possible but takes effort.
Both you and your husband will need to make it work. Love is a two way street and requires you both to do something different than was done before.
Most of these steps simply involve spending more time and communicating more. It’s often as easy as that. You may not feel like it sometimes, but it works.
1. Get to know each other again
Take an interest in each other. You found each other interesting once and you can do again. It may be difficult at first to find things to talk about but be genuine and you’ll get there.
Go on dates, I don’t mean a romantic candlelit dinner as such but a regular meal in a nice restaurant. It’s nice way to bond like you used to.
Reminisce about things you used to do and talk about when your relationship started. Your points of view and sense of humor must be similar.
Find a new hobby you can both start together. Learning something new is a fantastic way of getting that buzz for one another you once had.
It could be a sport like golf or running. Crafting or baking, anything that enables you both to laugh and enjoy each other’s company.
Take a holiday, you don’t need to go far, but somewhere out of your immediate area. Where you can explore and discover new things. This will require you both to communicate and get along.
2. Avoid the blame game
Communication may be key but only when it’s the right kind. Whatever the reason for the love to have gone you have to learn to be constructive and move on.
The past is gone and the future is here. Maybe your husband doesn’t help around the house or there was an affair. When the problems are resolved, you must keep them that way.
Picking arguments and fights will not get you anywhere. Perhaps this is what’s been happening and the reason the love went. If so, you need to adjust your expectations and think of something else.
It’s very tempting to keep on when someone has done you wrong, but these emotions aren’t productive. They make everyone concerned miserable and get you down.
While disagreements can be healthy and help everyone express how they feel. It must be done in an open and constructive way.
3. Try emotional and physical intimacy
Obviously this part will be difficult if you haven’t sorted the communication part. But they can grow and develop at the same time. Some intimacy is crucial for love.
As you start to discover each other again, perhaps you may want to start holding hands. Sit a bit closer while watching the TV. Perhaps a small hug as one of you goes to work.
It sounds small, but everything makes a difference. It’s about getting to how you were when you first met. Perhaps you couldn’t keep your hands off each other.
No one expects you to rip his clothes off when he enters the apartment. Introducing some kind of physical intimacy doesn’t need to involve sex.
Where emotional intimacy is concerned, you could say how much you used to like each other. Things you used to like that he does.
Physical and emotional intimacy makes us feel good. It strengthens our love and bond we have for each other.
It may feel strange at first but it was natural once and it can be again. Take it slow and as your love grows, you’ll be able to get more intimate.
4. Be a partnership
Get your husband to do his bit around the house, cook together. Get used to having someone in your life who’s got your back again.
Where you sometimes do things without each other, involve him in it. Get your husband to make an effort and join in things he may not have considered before.
He’s not going to want to get his nails done with you, but there must be some things you do that your husband may enjoy.
Discuss your finances and make a plan. See how you’re both doing where money is concerned and how you can improve.
Get involved in each other’s lives again. Do less activities just by yourself and let people know you come as a pair.
If you want to fall in love with your husband again, you both have to really make an effort. Sometimes you’re going to have to meet each other halfway when you might not want to.
What if nothing seems to work?
What if you can’t bear to be in the same room as each other and you’ve tried everything? What if you don’t dislike him but the love is just not there and won’t return?
There are still things you can do to save your relationship. Maybe you need to have an independent outside opinion on what’s going wrong.
There are many relationship counselors who may be able to tell you what could be wrong. They could highlight things you both may never have thought of.
Think of it as a last resort before you call it a day. It would be a shame to throw away the possibility of true reconciliation.
You need to tell your husband if things are really bad. If negativity is all you can see and there’s no love anymore, he needs to know. Then you can both decide what to do from there.
Love is a complicated emotion and while it can come easy, it can go just as easy too. We know when we feel it for someone and when we don’t.
The fact it was there once means it can come back. Knowing why you don’t feel love for him is the best of way of working out how to make it return.
Your husband may know you feel differently. He may be aware that things have changed. He may want to rekindle what you had too.
Relationships survive good and bad times and perhaps that’s all that’s happening. Some care and attention can bring back the spark you once had.
As long as you do all you can, give it your best shot, you can say you tried. Sometimes love does return and sometimes it doesn’t.