Love is a powerful emotion that can make us think certain ways about a partner.
Love is often what holds a relationship together.
But what if there are problems? Can love alone sustain the relationship?
In this article I examine if love is all that matters, and what to do if it’s not enough.
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Love will make you put up with a lot
We have this vision in our minds of the perfect relationship. We will meet our Prince Charming and fall in love. Then we’ll end up walking off in the sunset, happily ever after.
Love can creep up on us but we know when we feel it. We suddenly care for someone in a very deep way. We’d do anything for them and they mean the world to us.
We make it our mission to ensure our partner is the happiest they can be. Nothing is too much if they have any needs.
In our eyes they can’t do anything wrong. No matter what problems or baggage they come with. We will put up with an awful lot in the name of love.
We can fall in love with anyone, even those not suitable or available to us. There’s nothing we can do about it. They’ve won our hearts and we’re hooked.
5 Problems that affect a loving relationship
These are things that, although you love this person, make you question whether you’re right to feel this way.
1. They won’t commit
You’ve declared your love and made yourself available to your partner. You get on like the best of friends and your lovers as well.
You can see every reason to take things further and have talked about it. But it doesn’t seem to happen. You may get a positive response but no firm commitment.
Perhaps they’ve had a bad experience in the past or something else has happened in their life. But they won’t take the final step with you.
Your commitment can be anything. Maybe you want your lover to live with you. Maybe you want to marry. Or have children.
Can a relationship like this last if only love is there? How long are you willing to wait for someone to want what you want.
2. They’re married to someone else
Many affairs turn into love. Usually a single woman is stuck with a married man. The man says they don’t love their wife and they no longer have sex.
These are stories every relationship expert, including myself, has heard dozens of times. The single woman is just a fling to the man.
Sometimes these affairs can go on for years. The married man promises to leave his wife but never does.
I’ve advised one single woman who’s been having an affair for nearly 10 years. This is all because she loves him.
She’s 39 and wasted all her good years on a married man. Someone who isn’t available to her. She could have found someone who could love her completely.
She may soon be too old to have children if she wants them. She could have found a perfect man to have kids with. Instead, she’s someone’s secret bit on the side.
3. They have personal problems
These can be problems of the mind or external issues. Sometimes you’re with someone who has a lot of baggage. You may have known this before you fell in love.
Love and relationships can build despite what someone is going through. We often make the mistake of thinking we can change someone for the better.
These problems may seem minor at first. But they can develop over time to something you can’t get over.
Love is the real problem because it’s getting in the way. It’s making you overlook some big obstacles. They say love is blind.
You may feel sorry for your partner and what they’re going through. But that doesn’t help you and it can’t go on forever.
4. You can’t trust them
Perhaps your partner has been unfaithful. Infidelity is a hard one to get over. There are all kinds of being unfaithful, they involve emotions and/or physical connections.
When this has happened, there’s often been countless lies and deceit to cover what the person has done. Sometimes their guilt makes them confess.
Maybe you’ve caught them in the act. In any case, the trust will have gone and it will take a lot of work to regain, if it ever comes back.
You stay because you love them. But that alone will struggle to sustain a relationship when it comes to seeing someone else behind your back.
Despite what you may think, it will take both of you to recover from infidelity. There could be an underlying problem in the relationship that caused them to give into temptation.
5. You don’t want the same thing
You may have come to a point in your relationship where you both want different things. One of you may want marriage or children and the other doesn’t.
This can be a deal breaker and make you think if you can stay with them. Marriage or children is something you may have wanted for your whole life.
You may see the only point of love and a relationship is to commit and reproduce. If someone doesn’t share those values and wants, it creates a turning point in the relationship.
That’s where the problem lies. The love is there and you probably feel your partner would make the perfect parent. They just don’t feel the same way.
Not wanting the same thing may be something as simple as not willing to move to another part of the country to be with you. Maybe a long distance relationship is not something he can deal with.
There are many other reasons why love alone may not be able to sustain a relationship. All relationships are different and have different dynamics.
What’s acceptable to one partner may be the opposite for the other. What’s common is the love you feel and you need to think about whether it’s strong enough to survive these problems.
Steps you can take to try and sustain the relationship
You love your partner so you want to do everything you can to get them to meet your needs and sort out any issues they have.
Communication is the answer. If you can talk openly with each other and express what you both feel. You can overcome any problem you encounter in your relationship.
Remember, no one is perfect even though you may think your partner is. Don’t take each other for granted as you both have needs.
Remind your partner that you love them. The key to sustaining the relationship is to let them know you have their back and you think of them.
Think about yourself and what makes you happy. You’re still an individual, so don’t neglect yourself trying to please someone else.
Love isn’t enough to solve all the problems in a relationship
You may think these things don’t matter when you have love on your side. That you can overcome these problems because you love your partner so much.
While love is powerful and can help you get over what’s worrying you. The problems will still be there unless you do something about them.
You need to love yourself and work out if your love is returned. You have goals and aims and your love for someone could be getting in the way of achieving them.
Just because you love someone. It doesn’t mean you’re destined to be together and that everything will work out for the best.
After a while, you may have your love repeatedly tested. Is there enough of it for the person who’s doing the testing?
Love doesn’t last forever
Your relationship may have been solid at one point and your love is there. But it can only be sustained for so long. There’s going to be a point when you’ve had enough.
There may be a time when you have to walk away. Your partner isn’t going to change and you need to meet someone who you are truly compatible with.
There may be a lot of time and emotion invested in your partner. But sometimes it’s for the best that you cut your losses and find someone new.
You may still feel love when you do walk away, but the love will fade over time. It can then be used for someone new who deserves it.
You can always leave as friends and remember the good times. It’s better to leave than spend any more time on a relationship that doesn’t work and is unsustainable.
Love alone can sustain a relationship, but not indefinitely. If the problems are still there. Then you need to end the relationship.
There are many reasons a relationship can run into terminal trouble. Sometimes it can be resolved. Other times there’s no future for you both.
Either way, as long as you treat each other with respect and honesty. Then you can come out of it as better people having learned about yourself.
Whatever you do, don’t waste time contemplating what can and can’t be. If you have to walk away, do it permanently and with your head held high. Some relationships are not meant to be.
You may look back on the relationship fondly. But hopefully with confidence knowing you’ve made the right decision with your head, not your heart. Because sometimes love is not the best decision maker.