How Long Should You Give Him Space? (What To Do With The Time)


Happy couple

You and your boyfriend may have had a disagreement and he needs some space.

But how long do you give him? You can’t wait forever. Do you contact him or wait for him to contact you?

In this article I tell you how long to wait, what to do with the time, and steps to take if things work out.

6 Situations where your guy might need space

Not every relationship goes smoothly and a break may be necessary.

1. After a fight

A fight is when there’s a turmoil of emotion between you and your partner. Your boyfriend might want space to get over it.

He’ll need to talk over the problems with someone else and take stock of what’s happened.

Giving each other space after a fight is a good thing for both of you. You need time to re-evaluate the relationship and so does he.

2. To pursue you

He will start to miss you and want to be back with you. Space gives him time for his feelings about you to build.

You may want him to chase you like you do when you start a new relationship. You don’t want to seem to be available to him.

Don’t contact him and let him know through means of social media that men want you. This will make him get in touch sooner or later.

3. In a long distance relationship

Sometimes when distance is a factor, you over compensate by contacting him too often. Those constant late night phone calls are not always welcome.

Space is sometimes needed how ever far apart you are in distance. Like in any relationship, resentment can build if one of you is too clingy or needy.

It’s difficult to know when space is needed, so talk about it. Get to know when the best time to call is and you’ll start to appreciate it more when you do hear from each other.

4. When you live together

When you’re on top of one another in the home, you need some separation occasionally. You need it in the home as well as outside.

You need a different room to go to so you can be apart. Find some hobbies or friends you can have without your partner.

This way you’ll have something to talk about when you’re with each other. This gives you a sense of individuality.

5. When he pulls away

This is exactly when you need to give him space. He’s pulling away for a reason and this gives him time to think about how he feels.

Whether you know the reason he’s doing it or not. Try not to bother him about it and give him the space he wants.

He could need time to deal with his own problems and not just those in the relationship.

6. For an ex boyfriend

If he’s just become your ex, the last thing you should do is try and get him back straight away.

You both need to be single because to break up, something must be coming in the way of the relationship.

Your feelings may be strong enough if your aim is to get back together. But space will help accomplish that goal.

How long should you wait?

It depends on the reason you’ve given him space in the first place. If it’s just because you live together and he’s getting fed up with you. Then you just need to work out a plan.

If you’ve had a fight, you need to think about the reason for the fight and how big it was. Was it a fight that questioned the relationship as a whole?

You know your boyfriend best, so think about how he feels before getting in touch again. You may need to leave it down to him to make the first move.

You may not want to lose him, and you won’t if he knows you’ll be there when he’s come round in his mind. Monitor his social media to see what he’s up to before getting touch, but don’t stalk him.

If he looks as though he’s got over the reason you’ve given him space for, then a text asking how he is won’t do any harm. You may want to know where you stand and that question will come in time.

You may want to ask one of his friends you can trust about your boyfriend. Anything you can do to give him space without being on his back until the time is right.

If you do contact him first, play it softly. You want him back, not scare him off. Don’t beg or come off as desperate. He won’t respect that and he wants someone who’s confident in themselves.

Happy couple

What to do with the time

Giving him space could involve a week or two of spare time for you. You need to see this as a great opportunity for you to take care of yourself.

The last thing you need to do is mope around and think of your boyfriend. You need to rediscover yourself as a single woman, even if it’s just for a short period of time.

Now is the time to go out with your friends and enjoy yourself. Think about if you really need to be in a relationship with someone who needs space.

Think about if you’re really happy with your boyfriend and if he’s right for you. No doubt he’ll be having the same thoughts about you.

Whatever choice you or he makes. Good or bad. You’ll have spent the time waiting furthering yourself and you’ll be prepared, whatever the answer is. You may well be relieved by the answer.

Give him a time limit to contact you in your own mind. You don’t have to tell him, but if he’s not making an effort with you, it might not be worth making an effort with him.

5 things to do when you’re back with your boyfriend

If you’ve decided to get back together, then you need to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

1. Find out why he needed space

You may already know why, but it’s best to hear it from him and then you can talk about it. Discuss your relationship and if it’s really healthy for both of you.

Plan what you can do if the problem happens again. See if it can be resolved in such a way to make you both satisfied at the outcome.

One of you may want more than the other, and it’s making you frustrated. Now’s the time to get everything out in the open.

2. Talk about what happened

As well as discussing what caused the needed space. Talk about what you both did with the time without each other.

He may have discovered things about himself as well as you in a period of reflection. It would be beneficial to talk about how you both now view the relationship.

Depending on what you both did, you may have found out things you can do together you haven’t done before. There could be new experiences you could both enjoy.

3. Don’t go back to how things were

Neither of you will want to repeat the experience if necessary. Being apart is not ultimately what you want and is like breaking up, but not officially.

You need to learn what went wrong. Whoever and whatever the cause, it needs to be solved. This should be a priority if you’ve decided to make a go of it.

If you need to, regularly spend a bit more time apart as part of the relationship and accept it. Maybe you were both too full on.

4. Make yourselves busy

One problem with a lot of relationships is you’re stuck in the same routines. You start arguing because you’re getting frustrated. You get frustrated with yourselves and each other.

Now you’ve had some time to think, you need to find new things to do. Don’t let yourselves get in a rut and get out there and do things together.

Every relationship benefits when you both experiment with things. It’s a way of rediscovering how you both react to the new and why you got together in the first place.

5. Reignite the relationship

You liked each other enough to make yourselves officially boyfriend and girlfriend. So you just need to reignite that initial spark.

You need to let go of the past and do something new. Be affectionate with each other and say how you feel.

He needs to know you want him emotionally and physically. Encourage him to do the same for you. It will take your relationship to the next level.

What to do if it doesn’t work out

Let’s say you’ve given him plenty of time. It may have got the point you’re wondering if you’re still boyfriend and girlfriend.

You can’t let it go on forever. After a while, you need to know where you stand. It’s not fair if you don’t get an answer.

If you don’t hear anything and he doesn’t respond to any attempt at contact. You may need to conclude that the relationship is over and move on.

You’re going to be disappointed, but hopefully you’ve used the time waiting to know productively. Take sometime to think about why this happened and if he was right for you to begin with.

Not every relationship works. That’s why we keep having them until we find the right person we want to stay with. It may not have been your fault and there may not have been anything you could have done.

Final thoughts

One of you wanting space is a bad sign in a relationship. Something has gone wrong with him or you. But you don’t need to play a waiting game to hear back from him.

Whatever the reason for the space being wanted. Take the chance to be yourself and do the things you’ve been wanting to and haven’t been able.

Go out with friends again and live your life. Take the odd look at social media for your boyfriend and see what he’s up to, but don’t stress about it.

If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. You can only do so much. If he doesn’t get in touch after an acceptable amount of time. Then you may have to call it a day.

So in summary, give him some time for his space. If he still wants to be together, talk about how to make things different to stop it happening again.

Emma Taylor

I'm a relationship expert with years of experience who's given advice to hundreds of people. I hope you've found some good advice here too.

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