How To Love Him Less (You Probably Deserve Better)

Concerned woman

Love is not easy to find, yet you’ve found it for someone.

You’ve obviously spent time getting to know them to fall in love in the first place.

But despite that you want to have less love for them.

In this article I’ll look at the reasons why you want to love them less and how to do it.

How to love him less

Instead of loving less, you need to think about why you feel this way. If you’re not getting anything in return, then why do you love this man in the first place? Consider finding someone else who loves you back as much as you love them.

5 Reasons you want to love him less

You’ve concluded things would be better this way, but what are your reasons? Here I go through them and possible solutions:

1. You love him too much

You can love too much if you’re neglecting yourself. You’re only caring about the feelings of someone else over yours.

Do you give him every attention you can and think he can’t do or say anything wrong? Do you put him on a pedestal?

You shouldn’t be giving up your friends or hobbies for a man and he shouldn’t be allowing it if you do.

Remember, it’s not your responsibility to make him happy if he’s feeling down. He’s capable of looking after his own emotional needs.

If you do any of these things you could be loving him too much and you need to gain back some independence.

It’s ok to love your man and think about him a lot but you need to balance your own needs with his.

You need to believe in yourself and be your own person. You deserve your own identity as in individual in your own right.

2. You get no love back

Is this a man you’re in a relationship with or a friend you love who doesn’t feel the same way?

Unrequited love is a common but horrible thing. When our love doesn’t love us back, it hurts deep inside.

It’s particularly bad if you come in to contact with him all the time. You just have to think about something and someone else.

You need to broaden your social circles and meet new people. In time, your love and attention will focus on someone else.

You may not feel like it, but go on some dates so you can discover there are people who are available to love you.

If love is a one way street with your man, then it’s a different problem. You love him with all your heart but get little in return.

You want to love him less to equal the feelings but really he should be loving you more. You obviously get the impression it’s one sided.

He should be expressing his love, which he can do in many ways, far too many to mention, but you’d know it if he was.

After a while, you need to find out where you stand. If you want to be in a relationship with someone who can’t show or doesn’t love you back.

Forget about loving someone like this less and move on to someone who can see you as the lovable person you are.

3. He’s left you

It’s only natural to want to love someone less when you’re no longer in a relationship with them. Our feelings can’t turn off so easily.

It depends how long and deep the relationship is, for how long you’ll feel hurt by it.

There are ways to recover when your partner leaves. One that time will play a big part in. Time really does heal a broken heart.

Remember, it’s over, and it is so for any number of reasons. You’ve shown your love for him and he walked away, so leave it at that.

You may want to know why it finished for him but he may not want to tell you, or you may get some feeble excuse. It could well be no fault of yours.

Don’t think about getting back together and getting the love back. Just move on and find someone who won’t hurt you in this way.

Loving him less wouldn’t have solved the problem. It’s not meant to be so you’ll have to accept it.

4. You’re driving him away

You may want to love him less because you’re too clingy and he feels overwhelmed by you. While this is on you, simply having fewer feelings for him is not going to change anything.

Perhaps you feel he is the most important thing in your life and nothing else matters. You need to change your outlook on him and your relationship.

A man needs his own space physically and emotionally. We can all give someone time to be themselves but if, when you are with him, he can’t be himself, then it’s too much.

Were you like this with all your boyfriends or just this one? If it’s this one only then he’s not making you feel like you’re enough for him.

Sometimes we behave a certain way based on how someone is towards us. If he’s not showing you’re as good as you are, then don’t waste your time.

For some reason you love, him but he may not be the right one for you. You should be equal in a relationship and you’re not getting that.

If you both make decisions in a relationship instead of just you. Then he may not feel as though you’re driving him away.

Concerned woman

5. He loves someone else

If he loves someone else, then show him less love because he doesn’t deserve it from you. You can’t help the way you feel but you can stop wasting your time and energy on someone who doesn’t care.

He may be at fault for how you feel because he may have been giving you mixed signals. He may have spent too much time with you.

However it was caused, you need to think about him less and concentrate your thoughts on someone else.

You may love the thought of being with him. But remember, everyone has their faults and you’re only seeing one side.

Don’t wait around for him to stop loving someone else or them breaking up. Because for all you know, he may never feel the same way about you.

Sometimes there’s nothing you can do. You may always have a soft spot for this person and get on with them, but that’s all it will ever be.

3 Ways to love him less

If, despite the reasons and solutions above, you want actionable tips on loving a man less. I’ve got some here:

1. Spend less time with him

Spending less time with someone could be difficult if you’re in a relationship with them or see them a lot.

But it works, there’s a phrase that goes, “out of sight, out of mind”. In other words, the less you’re with him, the less you think about him.

If you’re actually boyfriend and girlfriend and you want to love him less. Then seeing him less often would be a strange strategy and won’t work.

In this case, if the love you have for someone is too much, then you need to question if they’re the right person for you.

If you love a friend and you don’t want to, then you need to widen your circle of friends. Go to a gym or find a hobby to meet others.

2. Find someone else to love

This is easier said than done when you already love someone. But the best way of getting over it is by finding someone else to love.

Apart from going to new places to meet new people, you could try online dating and dating apps. They’re often a fun way to find a new man.

These platforms have thousands of men happy to meet new women for a date or something more.

They beat real life because you have so many people to choose from. If you haven’t tried these services, then you must. More and more couples meet and are having successful relationships after using them.

They take a bit of practice at first to get used to the nuances. But it’s a perfect way to find people to go on dates with.

3. Find something else to think about

After you’re done with thinking about someone else, it’s a good idea to think about something else. We’re trying to take your mind off the one you love.

The last thing you should do is lie around the house all day. Wondering about what the special someone is doing and who he’s doing it with.

Think about your job and if you’re happy there. Maybe you could start a business online. You could start a sport or other hobby.

Getting yourself into something new is very healthy. It gives you mental stimulation, and this is at a time when you need it.

The mind is very powerful. If we spend our time and thoughts on other things, we soon start forgetting what was concerning us before.

Final thoughts

So in finding out how to love him less you need to lose the grip he has on you.

There’s clearly a reason you don’t want to feel this way, so he’s not a man worth spending your emotional time on.

Whether he’s an ex or someone you have a crush on, it’s not meant to be and you need to move on.

Widening your social circle, finding a hobby and going dating again are all ways to get over him.

Over time, your love for him will go and you’ll find someone else who’s available and feels the same about you.

Emma Taylor

I'm a relationship expert with years of experience who's given advice to hundreds of people. I hope you've found some good advice here too.

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