Dating can seem like a pointless pursuit if you’re not getting anywhere.
If you’re struggling to find someone to have a relationship with, it can get you down.
Maybe you’ve been on many dates, and they never seem to work out.
Here I look at dating and if it’s your fault your time is being wasted. Plus some ways to find a good date.
Is dating a waste of time?
Dating can seem like a waste if you never seem to find the right person. Perhaps you need to find different people who you may be a better match with. You could try online dating to use your time more effectively.
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6 reasons why it’s your fault
You may not like hearing this, but it could be your fault. Plenty of men and women are out there wanting to find a special someone.
You could be to blame if you’re not having any luck. Here I’ll go through the reasons you might not be having any success in dating and how to change it.
1. You’re going after the wrong person
Problem : Whatever you do, you always seem to end up with the wrong person and it doesn’t work out.
Perhaps you’re a man you have a type you go for who doesn’t like the look of you or you don’t get on.
If you’re a woman, you may attract the wrong kind of man or find the wrong ones appealing.
Perhaps you attract someone who’s never serious, or they use you. Maybe you go for people who cheat or are abusive.
All this could lead you to think dating is a waste of time, but you could be the reason you’re experiencing this.
Solution : It’s easier said than done but go for a different kind of partner than your usual kind.
You may find some qualities appealing in someone new you never thought of before.
You can only discover this by getting to know them better. So where do you find people different from your usual unsuccessful partners?
Go to a gym or find a course you like the look of. Bars and nightclubs aren’t the best places to find someone to settle down with.
Anywhere there are people of the opposite sex who aren’t primarily looking to hook up are good.
Perhaps you dress revealingly and you attract a man who may not see you as a potential partner.
You must look for different people, otherwise you’re wasting more time being unhappy.
2. You’re not using dating apps
Problem : You’re not meeting enough people. Maybe you’re selective and the right one hasn’t come along.
There’s only so many places you can be where people are and there’s only a certain amount of hours in the day. You need to find a way to get yourself out there.
Regular dating is a time sink, it’s inefficient. You meet someone, then take your time in getting to know them to see if they could be right for you.
This could last for days or even weeks, and this is just the person you’ve chosen.
With this method, you’re more likely to accept someone you may not be totally happy with. Rather than spend more time getting to know someone else.
There are ways of reducing time spent, and that’s by getting to know a lot of people in one go. Then you can choose who you want to go on a date with. This is where dating apps come in.
Solution : With online dating you can search through hundreds of potential partners.
People have found ways of using these apps to converse with many people in one go. Then they narrow down the search.
You swipe left or right if you like someone and you do this many times in minutes. It’s like a factory of the opposite sex.
You can accept or reject someone, and when you’ve found one you like. You can message them, text them, phone them and eventually meet.
Before you think dating apps are a waste of time. A study has found more successful relationships are now happening through them.
It found that couples who met on dating apps were just as happy as any other. Women on dating apps are more interested in marriage and having a family than those offline.
They found you’re more likely to meet people with different backgrounds. This is backed by research.
As long as you put up good photos of yourself and have an honest profile. You’ll get plenty of matches and you can start sorting through them all.
Online dating services are becoming more popular as people discover the benefits.
3. You make it a casual encounter
Problem : Maybe you want it to be more serious but you end up having sex with your dates. Then you slowly lose touch and never see them again.
If you want a casual encounter, that’s ok but after a while they can leave you wanting more.
It can be soul destroying for men and women if that’s all you’re seen as. Someone’s gratification and then cast aside in the morning.
If you make it clear it’s available, then sometimes that’s all you’re going to get. Whether you mean it or not that could be the impression you’re giving off.
This ties in with going for the wrong person and where you meet them. If you go for looks and not someone’s values in a bar on a Saturday night, you’re not going to meet Mr Right.
Maybe you think that’s what people want, but most of the time that’s not true. A lot of people do want to commit and settle down when they’ve found the right person.
Solution : Stop having sex on the first date or when you first meet someone. They might try it on but that doesn’t mean you have to give it to them.
It’s very difficult to resist when the alcohol has been flowing and he says the right things. But he’ll respect you more if you say no.
Think about what you really want in a relationship. Take steps to make it more likely you’ll meet someone who wants the same thing.
We all like to express ourselves through what we wear and we should be able to wear what we like. But sometimes you may attract someone who only sees you a certain way.
As an experiment, dress a little differently when you’re out one time and see what kind of people that go for you. You may be pleasantly surprised.
4. You don’t follow up
Problem : You meet someone and have a good date or two with them but you lose touch. Perhaps they thought you weren’t interested.
Perhaps you’re too busy to get back in touch, you may have other commitments.
It’s easy to lose people’s details or take their number incorrectly. Maybe you didn’t put their name down right and you forget which one is which.
If you leave it too long, they’re going to think you’re not that keen. You may want to leave it a few days to look cool but it can have the wrong effect.
Solution : It doesn’t take much of an effort to thank someone for a lovely date and promise to be in touch again soon.
Following up like that is a sign they mean something to you and makes a real difference to the person receiving it.
Make plans for another date. This way you let the person know you want to take things further and they’ll keep you in mind.
You both then have something to look forward to. It’s about making a small but definite little commitment to take things further.
5. You don’t make an effort
Problem : Maybe you think there’ll be someone else along soon. You just leave the positive experience you’ve had.
Perhaps it’s a time of your life where you don’t feel like you want to get into a new relationship.
You could be fed up with dating as you never have any success from it and it’s the same thing every time.
Sometimes we don’t feel like making an effort and getting out there and meeting someone new. Maybe you’re feeling down after your last attempts.
Maybe you’re lazy and you think the right person will just come along. That you won’t have to do anything to make it happen.
Solution : You have to take control of your life and think about what you want. If you want to be with someone, then you’ll have to get out there and start dating.
Time is short so rather than think dating is a waste of time. You need to use your time more productively by using dating apps and going to the right places.
When you go on a date, you start enjoying it once you’re there and you’re getting to know someone. None of that happens if you don’t make the effort in the first place.
Make sure you groom and dress well. If you don’t look good and make an effort, then no one else will when they meet you.
6. You don’t take it further
Problem : Perhaps you’ve had the date and you’re wondering how well it really went.
Sometimes we don’t get any feedback during or after the date. We’re left wondering whether to take things further.
You may feel you know all you want about someone and don’t see a future with them. Sometimes it’s the way it is.
Maybe something happened, and it put you off. Be it a friend of theirs or how they behaved and you don’t want to know anymore.
Solution : Are you sure you don’t think they’re a good match for you? Have you seen them in all kinds of situations?
Are you not worried you may have written someone off too quickly. There must have been a spark in the first place.
Did you check exactly what your date likes to do and if they enjoyed what you did? Was there any other reason it didn’t work out?
Maybe they just need one more chance before you definitely strike them off your list. We all make mistakes.
Dating is never a waste of time, but if it feels that way for you, there are ways of using your time more effectively.
Online dating and dating apps are a great way to meet many people in a short period.
Sometimes all you have to do is make an effort with yourself and others and you’ll have more success.
Go for different people if you attract the wrong ones and go to places where they’re likely to be.
With just a few key changes to how you go about dating, you won’t see it as a waste of time anymore.