Is Love Supposed To Hurt? (True Love Doesn’t)

Unhappy couple

Unfortunately, love has the power to hurt even though we may not want it to.

There are reasons love can hurt and it’s nearly always when we put our heart on the line.

In this article I look at love, the reasons it can hurt, heal, and why true love is the answer.

Is love supposed to hurt?

Love is a powerful emotion, and it can hurt when it’s broken by someone. Over time, you’ll feel better and you’ll be able to love again. You’ll grow as a person and maybe you’ll find someone else you feel serious about.

4 reasons love hurts

Love doesn’t hurt for no reason. Something or someone has made you feel this way and these are 4 reasons it may have happened.

1. When you break up

This may be an obvious one but nearly all of us have experienced it. The love can still be there after a break up.

It can be incredibly painful after all you’ve been through and maybe it wasn’t your choice. But the relationship has ended.

Even just being apart hurts because you still ache for that person and all the things they used to make you feel.

A study shows an unmarried break up causes actual distress and requires a period of mourning.

Whatever our age and length of relationship, it can be a major life experience we have to learn to overcome.

While it may not feel like it if you’re just going through it, time heals. You’ll get over it and move on.

The most important thing is to allow yourself to love again even though you feel hurt at the moment.

2. Putting your love on the line

By loving someone, you’re making yourself vulnerable. You’re opening yourself up and allowing someone else in. It’s a brave thing to do.

It’s something you have to do, otherwise we may as well feel no emotion at all, for ourselves or anyone else.

It’s a risk we all take. No one knows the future and you can be without love all of a sudden and for many reasons.

Whether it’s a bereavement or some other reason a lover has gone, the hurt will be deep and sad.

You may feel you could never love again or you don’t want to. But you may eventually meet someone who brings about a spark in you.

Only by putting our love on the line can we really feel a deep connection with someone else.

3. When you feel you’re not enough

Love can hurt if you don’t feel you’re enough to back it up. You may feel you don’t deserve to be loved back.

This begins by loving yourself first. We all have imperfections and things we’re not too happy with ourselves about. But we deserve love.

Maybe there’s some sort of insecurity or self doubt. But someone has chosen to be with you and opened them self to you so they think you’re enough.

Perhaps you’ve been brought up by parents who didn’t appreciate you and what you have to offer.

Whatever caused it, it can be put in the past and you can live for the now. It may be hard at first but to have a fulfilling relationship you must learn to love yourself.

4. When your love is not returned

There could be many reasons you love someone, but they don’t love you back. It hurts because it’s not so easy to turn off our feelings.

Those feelings would need to be focused on someone else, which is not easy. It’ll take time to happen.

Perhaps it’s a friend you’ve begun to have feelings for and they’re not available, or they don’t feel the same way.

History has many stories about what they call unrequited love. It’s because it’s so common and feels so painful.

It’s worse if you have no choice but to see that person every day. It may even ruin a friendship or it isn’t the same anymore.

Either way, in these cases it’s always best to say something as life is too short to hide your feelings. They may have felt the same way.

Unhappy couple

4 reasons love heals

Love can hurt, but it can also heal. Love has some wonderful qualities and changes us as people when we feel it. Here are some of those changes.

1. It makes us feel amazing

Science says love makes us feel good in an emotional and physical way. Our brain and bodies tell us so.

There are thousands of published science papers that contain the word “love”. Songs are written about it and crimes are committed over it.

We feel we can overcome anything when we’re in love. It gives us emotional strength to deal with anything that gets in our way.

When we’re in love with someone, we feel euphoric and excited around them. We feel connected on a spiritual level like never before.

They mean everything in the world to us and we think about them all the time. Their welfare is of paramount importance to us.

Love is so rewarding to us we must do everything we can to allow it to take hold by reaching out.

2. It makes us better people

The love of a good man or women changes our whole outlook. We look at others in a more patient and kind way.

We feel complete and we have time for friends and family and any issues or problems they may have. We’re more likely to listen and understand.

Love makes us take care of other people. We no longer act like we’re the most important people in the world and no one else matters.

Instead of our problems and other difficulties we have. Love makes us see and feel good about whatever comes our way.

Our friends and family may notice a change in us. We’re more easy going and happier, we’re better to be around.

3. We become more generous

Love makes us see the good in other people and we become more giving. We give more of our time, our words, and our love.

It makes us more forgiving. Something that may have bothered or annoyed us before has less of an effect. We can see both sides.

We’re more confident and assertive. We have more patience than we may have had before.

We see our place in our community and how we can make a difference. We’re more likely to help others in need.

Life is short, and we live in a way that appreciates ourselves and others. We’re more trusting and kind.

4. Love conquers all

This means through any hardship we still have the love for each other to get us through.

Some couples can have devastating news but as long as they’re still strong and in love they can survive.

It also means we feel compassion for our fellow people. We believe in justice and right from wrong.

If anyone is going through hard times or suffering, we want to help. When we have love, we are concerned for those less fortunate.

Compassion can also be taking care of ourselves and thinking of our own needs. Someone else now depends on us to love them.

True love doesn’t hurt

True love, which is reciprocated, is something over and above what we feel for our family and friends. When we share it we’re in a special place.

Our true love may see us at our very worst and stick by us. They can forgive us and watch us recover from adversity.

You may feel an intense attraction over and above physical intimacy. There is a bond and a feeling of complete calmness.

You feel full as an individual. You are meant to be together as two people sharing what life has to offer.

However much you’ve been hurt, true love is worth it. It may take some searching but you’ll know when you’ve found it.

Final thoughts

Love is a powerful emotion, and it can hurt a lot. Especially if you’re new to love or loved someone a lot.

Love is not supposed to hurt, but it can do. It can also have the opposite effect and heal if you let it.

You let it by allowing it to come into your life. You may not feel it with the first person you find, but there are many potential lovers out there.

True love is a bit special and something we can all experience if we’re lucky.

However hurt you may feel, you’ll get over the pain, which time will help, and meet a truly special someone.

Emma Taylor

I'm a relationship expert with years of experience who's given advice to hundreds of people. I hope you've found some good advice here too.

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