Is My Wife Lying To Me? (How To Tell & What To Do)


Unhappy couple

A wife promises to be faithful to her husband. But does that include truthful too?

When your wife tells you something, do you ever get the impression things just don’t add up?

You want to believe her, but you think she could be lying to you. But why? What is she trying to hide?

Here I look at if your wife is lying to you, how to tell, and what to do about it.

Is my wife lying to me?

She may be lying, but there could be an innocent explanation too. There are signs people do when they lie and she could be doing them. Think carefully before confronting her in case you’re misreading the signals.

Is she definitely lying?

If what she says doesn’t make sense to you, she could be. We like to believe when we’re told something, but you know when it doesn’t seem right.

Is it something that doesn’t seem plausible? Could it be that she’s just keeping a certain aspect from you but not outright lying?

Actually saying something isn’t true is a big deal and you want to be sure you’re right.

Do you have any proof? Have you got any evidence? There are many ways in which you can catch someone out. Whether they’re lying about where they’ve been or what they’ve been doing.

Is it someone who’s said something or actual physical evidence that can’t be wrong. Could there not be an innocent explanation?

Sometimes we lie for the sake of it and it doesn’t mean anything. Rather than hurt someone’s feelings, we’ll say something that isn’t true.

6 ways you can tell if she’s lying

If you have no proof, you’ll have to go by what she’s actually telling you. There are many ways to tell if someone isn’t saying the truth.

You know your wife best and she knows you too. She loves you and will find it very difficult to lie to you and not give away certain signals.

Some of these could be:

1. She won’t look at you

If she won’t maintain eye contact when telling you something. It’s a definite sign that’s she’s got something to hide.

When we communicate, we like to see how a person responds and we look for social cues. When we’re lying, we tend not to do that.

She might be doing all she can so you can’t see her eyes by looking elsewhere, like her attention has shifted.

Combine this with a bowed head. If she can’t keep her head up when talking to you, I would struggle to trust what she said.

2. She says too much

When you’re telling your spouse something and you tell every little thing in far too much detail. There’s something wrong.

When we’re lying, we feel we have to say everything about what’s going on in case we’re questioned.

Liars who say too much often forget little details and are easily caught out.

All it takes are a few questions they struggle to answer, and the deceit becomes obvious.

3. She fidgets

Any strange movements are a red flag. As is covering the mouth when speaking. The liar knows they shouldn’t be saying it.

She might be conscious of any physical movements she might have and try to remain very still.

Is she playing with her hair or patting her back when talking. This is a way of giving ourselves affirmation and something we do when lying.

When we talk, we express ourselves in many ways and moving is one of them. Any gestures that don’t match the words are something to look for.

4. She gets defensive

If you ask simple questions about what she’s done that day, does she get defensive? Does she act like you shouldn’t be asking?

Being angry like this is a way of deflecting being asked details that may show she isn’t telling the truth.

Another way is not answering anything at all and accusing you of being unreasonable.

Any extreme behavior for asking or doing things that would appear completely normal. Is something to be concerned about.

5. She doesn’t say enough

Sometimes we do the opposite of saying too much when we lie and not say much at all.

Is she usually happy to say everything about something that happened? But all of a sudden she won’t tell you anything?

There may not be any lying going on, but there’s definitely something being withheld.

This may lead you to ask questions and if all you get are one or two word answers and no lack of clarity, it will make you think.

6. Your intuition

Like I said before it’s very difficult to lie to a loved one, especially your spouse. You know her best and know if she’s not being straight with you.

She may not just do one or two things above She’ll do a combination of them and you may be able to see that something doesn’t ring true.

You may have a feeling in your gut or just know when something doesn’t sound reasonable. Trust this feeling because it’s often right.

What is she lying about?

This is an important consideration about what you want to do about it. It’s tied in to the reasons why she could be lying to you below.

Is she lying about where’s she’s been or how much money she has? Is she lying about how much she’s had to drink or an untruth about a friend, male or female?

Is she withholding information from you? Perhaps she’s become very protective of her phone or laptop and there seems to be no reason why.

Is it something about her past that doesn’t ring true? Perhaps there are things she doesn’t want to come out? Maybe she’s saying she doesn’t know someone when she clearly does.

It’s the motive you’ll want to know about just as much as having proof. Then you can think about what to do about it.

Unhappy couple

When did the lying start?

Some people lie all the time and to everyone they speak to. It may have started with you as boyfriend and girlfriend.

That may be when you first noticed it. You may not have thought anything of it but over time it can affect you.

Did she lie as a child? Did she lie to her parents when she was young? Sometimes we continue doing these things as we get older.

It might be something that comes very naturally to your wife and she may not realize she does it. Maybe she feels she just exaggerates and doesn’t appreciate the extent of it.

Did she start lying when she started consuming alcohol or gambling. Addictions can make people feel guilty and they start to lie about their behavior.

Is it a big lie or a small lie?

All lies are wrong, but some are more forgivable than others. Some may seem unnecessary and meaningless but are lies nonetheless.

Maybe she’s lying about how much something cost like an item of clothing. Perhaps she shouldn’t have spent so much.

If she lies about where she’s been or who she’s been with then, you’re right to be more concerned.

If she can’t reasonably account for portions of her day without lying, then it’s going to make you think.

Of course she doesn’t have to tell you everything. There has to be trust in any relationship. There could be an innocent explanation for all kinds of things.

Is she lying all the time?

Is she what they call a compulsive liar. Some people are and you’ll just have to live with it. You must have known if she was a bit like this before you got married.

Is everything going well in the relationship apart from these little untruths? Or is it getting worse and worse and you can’t believe a word she says.

You’re more likely to think she’s lying when you’re not getting on. She’s also more likely to be lying then.

Liars often come into difficulty when they have to account for themselves. They have to come up with more lies to justify the earlier ones.

It can all come to a head and the truth comes out. If she lies about big things, this is more likely.

Why is she lying?

It could be just to make sure things run smoothly in the marriage. It can be easier to be selective with the truth rather than have an argument.

Perhaps she’s organizing a party or other event you’ll both enjoy. If it’s a surprise, she won’t want you to know about the preparations.

She’d have to organize money, people and time all in secret for the special day. This could involve a lot of deceit.

Something innocent is probably the most likely explanation for your wife to lie. Especially if you’re happy with the way things are.

Other reasons could be nothing about you, but she’s having problems she’s not told you about. Perhaps she fears how you’ll react.

As I said before, many addictions involve deceit before someone can admit they have a problem. It can happen to anyone.

At worst, she may have found someone else. Maybe she’s just been confiding in that person but doesn’t want you to know about it.

What to do if she’s lying

Do you have proof? It would be a shame to accuse her if she’s not been lying at all. It would be a sense of betrayal if her own husband doesn’t believe her.

Wives lie all the time and sometimes it’s innocuous. Most of the time we should just let it go and move on.

If it’s something you can’t let go then you should say something. Don’t let it fester within you over time.

If you feel it could be infidelity or something else that can have a big impact on your relationship. Then you need to approach with caution.

Don’t jump to conclusions before you know everything and have undeniable proof. If you confront her, do it calmly, listen and don’t accuse.

Has the trust gone

Has it come to a head and you can’t put up with the lies big or small. Trust is imperative in a relationship and truth is part of that.

What if the worst scenario happens and she has been lying? You have to decide if you can ever trust her again.

Can your union get over whatever lies there have been? Only you can decide for yourself, but at least you’ll know the truth.

What if the lies have been minor? Can you put up with them constantly so you don’t even know where you stand?

Before making any rash decisions. There are people you can go to where you can talk about these things and your relationship.

It’s always worth making this kind of effort before throwing away what could have been years of trust.

Final thoughts

If you’re asking if your wife is lying, then you probably think she is and are looking for confirmation.

Know that there could be perfectly innocent explanations in any behavior.

If she’s lying, don’t immediately think of the worst. Perhaps she’s lying to protect you from hurt or it’s a cry for help on her part.

At the same time, if it bothers you and you can’t let it go, then see if you have any proof of her lies before confronting her.

If you do confront her, be calm and listen. She has the information you need and you can only get that by letting her speak.

Hopefully, it’s something you can get over and she can regain your trust. Then you can carry on living your life happily knowing what’s true and what isn’t.

Emma Taylor

I'm a relationship expert with years of experience who's given advice to hundreds of people. I hope you've found some good advice here too.

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