My Boyfriend Is Jealous Of My Guy Friends (What To Do)


Happy couple

Is your boyfriend always asking about your guy friends?

If he is, it sounds like he could be jealous of them. Maybe he feels insecure.

There are ways you can make him feel at ease and more, in this article.

5 Reasons he gets jealous

He doesn’t like feeling this way and knows he probably shouldn’t, but he can’t help it. He does it because he likes you. Here are some other reasons:

1. He wants all your time and attention

This is especially the case if the relationship is new and he still doesn’t know you very well. He’ll want your attention to himself.

He may not understand that you have friends who need your time and they could be male as well as female. He thinks you should want to spend all your time with him.

This could be very obvious when you’re out with a group of people and you’re talking with your friends. He’ll want you to talk to him instead.

He might not fully understand why you need to talk to your male friends when he’s there. This is his jealousy coming out and is irrational and unnecessary.

He may just feel that being in a relationship means he should get most of your time. You need to decide how much of your time he does get.

2. He feels threatened

Because you have male friends, he may think one of them could be a threat to him and your relationship. He may think you like one of your male friends in a romantic way.

If you talk a lot to your male friends on the phone, he might overhear your conversations. They might give him the impression you like one of your male friends more than him.

If one of your male friends is very charismatic or good looking. Your boyfriend may wonder why you’re with him because he’s been comparing himself to this guy.

It’s very common that he may think one of your male friends fancies you. He may be right, but that doesn’t mean you would do anything about it.

He may ask you lots of questions to see if there’s any history between you and a male friend. He’ll do this if he sees you get on very well. Also if you spend a lot of time with him.

3. He’s not sure you want him

If you have a good rapport with a male friend, your boyfriend may wonder if you should be with him instead. If your best friend is a guy, this will make it worse.

If you spend time alone with a guy without your boyfriend being there. He may see it as unusual if he doesn’t have female friends like that.

He may have the understanding that men only want one thing from a mixed sex relationship. He may trust you, but not the other man.

If you haven’t established that you’re with him with a view to making it a romantic relationship, he may not know where he stands. This could make him jealous.

He may not be sure why you’re with him in the first place. He may not be looking for a female friend, he wants a girlfriend and hopes you want him that way too.

4. He’s insecure

This one’s on him and there’s not a lot you can do about it. If he doesn’t have many friends, he may not feel so secure with you around yours.

He may fall in love too soon and seek validation. If he didn’t feel so insecure, he would trust you with your male friends.

He may use his history of past girlfriends as his reason for being jealous. He may have had some bad experiences where their male friends are concerned, and is putting this on to you.

One sign of insecurity is he demands to know everything you’re doing. He’s concerned how often you’re seeing your friends, which he wouldn’t do if he felt secure.

Is he interested in what your phone says? How often you receive tests from your friends and what they say? This kind of jealousy should be a warning to you.

He may think you’re too beautiful to be with him. He could have a very low opinion of himself and if this is the case, he’s probably been jealous of his girlfriends in the past.

5. It’s a new relationship

He may not be used to your way of doing things. You may carry on living your life in a perfectly normal way contacting your friends regularly, but he may not be used to it.

If you’re a very outgoing woman with a lot of friends, he may need some time to adjust and get used to it. This may invoke feelings of jealousy, at first, if he feels he’s only a small part of your life.

This doesn’t excuse these feelings he’s having but it could be a reason. New relationships happen all the time and they will have happened to him too.

If he’s just meeting your friends for the first time, he’ll be taking in a lot of the social dynamics and wonder where he fits into it all. This includes your guy friends.

He may have been brought up to view romantic relationships in a certain way, depending on what he’s seen with his mother and father. In time he’ll learn his place in your life.

5 Ways to ease his jealousy

While it’s not fully your responsibility to make him feel a certain way. There are ways you can make him feel more comfortable if you have many guy friends.

1. Reassure him

He needs to know where stands with you. If you like him in that way, let him know. If you’re thinking of making him your boyfriend or if he already is, he needs to know.

This will prevent many awkward feelings he may have, and many awkward conversations you may have with him. If he knows you don’t feel a certain way for your male friends, it will put him at ease.

Be affectionate with him. You need to treat him differently from a male friend. He needs to see there’s a closer connection.

Tell him your guy friends are just friends and you have no romantic feelings for them and never have. If they have girlfriends, let him know so he’s not wondering.

He also needs to know that you value your friendships and they come with you. If he wants to be with you then he has to accept you have some guy friends.

Happy couple

2. Introduce them

The best way to put him at ease is to introduce him to your friends. If he’s never even spoken to them, then he doesn’t know what to think of them.

If he can talk to them, he can get to know them and build some sort of trust with them. They’ll get to know he’s with you and what he means to you.

When you’re out with a group of friends. Don’t just start talking to a male friend without introducing him to your boyfriend. This is an important one.

If he doesn’t get to know your circle of friends, he will start to feel jealous and insecure. So make sure this is a priority if you like him.

When you do introduce them, make sure you do it one at a time and not just to a whole group. This is more respectful and your boyfriend can engage with them one at a time.

3. Warn your friends

Let them know you have a new man so they can expect you not to be in touch so often for a while. They should understand and give you time if the relationship is new.

Tell your friends your man is important to you so they know to value him and give him the respect he deserves. Tell them what he likes to do.

Let your friends know what you think of him so they can be keen to meet him. They may have things in common they can share.

Your aim should be any male friends you have, to really like and get on with your boyfriend. Any initial jealousy he has would soon go if he sees them as his friends too.

4. Don’t neglect him

Your boyfriend needs to feel he is becoming, or will become, a big part of your life. If you’re out and there’s a group of you. Don’t leave him by himself while you’re talking to others.

If you’re both with your friends only and he only knows you. Keep your eye on him and if he’s getting bored, go to him. Don’t just carry on talking to your guy friends.

Unless you’re living together. Don’t stop what you’re doing with him to have a long conversation on the phone with someone who’s just rung. Tell them you’ll call back, especially if it’s a guy friend.

If you’re boyfriend and girlfriend, then you’ve made a commitment to him. So you should be spending a lot of time with each other. If you don’t want to, let him know.

You will need to balance your time so your boyfriend doesn’t feel left out. If your friends are more important to you, then your man may not be right for you.

5. Don’t get jealous of him

If you have guy friends and enjoy their company, you can’t complain if he has female friends and enjoys their company.

You may know that you don’t feel anything for your male friends and don’t know what his female friends think of him. But that doesn’t give you any right to be jealous and act on it.

Anything you say to question his relationship with any women without good reason would be very hypocritical. If it’s good enough for you, then it’s good enough for him.

Hopefully, he’d encourage you all to meet like you and your male friends. You like your male friends and you wouldn’t want to be without them, so he wants the same.

Don’t give in to his jealousy

Jealousy may be a minor part in a lot of relationships and sometimes it can be expected when it’s new. However, there must always be trust.

Sometimes a jealous boyfriend may take irrational steps to control or manipulate you. These may be subtle at first, like constantly asking where you’ve been or what you’re doing.

He may want you to see your friends a little bit less and to cancel certain arrangements you have. This could be the start of a slippery slope.

When men get jealous and it stays beyond reasonable explanations, they can start behaving in ways that aren’t healthy for either of you.

If you feel your boyfriend should have got over his jealousy and hasn’t. You need to wonder why and consider if he’s someone you want to be with.

You are perfectly entitled to be friends with whoever you want. They can be male or female and no boyfriend should tell you otherwise.

There are many men out there you could like and would like you in a romantic way. You don’t have to settle for one who gets jealous all the time.

Final thoughts

I’ve gone through many reasons a boyfriend could get jealous of your male friends. Some of them are expected if your boyfriend really likes you.

It just takes some reassurance to make sure he knows he’s the one who you feel in a special way about. Introduce him to any male friends so they can get to know each other.

Make sure he’s the priority in your life if that’s the way you feel about him and his jealousy should be a passing phase.

If it doesn’t pass and he has signs of a more controlling nature. Then think about yourself and if a relationship with this man is healthy.

Finally, keep your friends by your side as they’ve probably been with you through every romantic relationship you’ve had. You’ll soon find a boyfriend who you want to stay with long term.

Emma Taylor

I'm a relationship expert with years of experience who's given advice to hundreds of people. I hope you've found some good advice here too.

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