You should be able to have a relationship with someone without them finding faults in everything you say and do.
It’s not healthy and it can get you down if it keeps going on.
You can either put up with it, ask her to change, or leave her. I’ll consider all these in this article.
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What is she finding faults with?
There are two things she could be finding faults with when it comes to you personally. They are who you are? And what you’re doing?
If she’s finding fault with things you do, then these are things you can change. If she finds fault with the way you are, these are things you can’t change.
You also need to think about how often she says these nitpicking criticisms of you. Is it the odd dislike of something you wear occasionally?
Or is she not liking the way you say something and picks up on it regularly. Depending on the answer to these situations is what I’d recommend you do about it.
People may think you have the perfect girlfriend in the way she looks and popularity. Perhaps your friends are jealous of the fact that you got her?
But little do they know what she’s like to be in a relationship with. Has she been like this from the start or has it got worse over time?
Why does she find faults?
While this is something you may have difficulty in finding out, it would be interesting if she has been like this with her previous boyfriends.
Does she find faults with everything in her life? Is she not happy with anything or anyone? Is everyone else to blame if something doesn’t go right?
Her expectations could be too high. She’s expecting everything and everyone to be perfect, and life just isn’t like that.
Maybe she has an idea of the perfect boyfriend and doesn’t realize why no one she meets seems to match. She doesn’t allow for anyone’s individualities and personal expression.
She was spoilt as a child. She got everything she wanted when she younger. Or perhaps if anything went wrong, her parents would correct any problems on her behalf.
People like this are very insular and usually don’t have many real friends. In life you learn to get by with an easy going nature. Someone who finds faults all the time doesn’t have it.
How it makes her feel
She clearly likes to be in control or the leader. She wants everything to go her way and she isn’t happy until that happens. She probably gets that with everyone around her.
She feels no one is good enough for her. She probably wanted the most popular boy or man to be in a relationship with her. But he’s never right as far as she’s concerned.
He probably tried his best to please her, but whatever he did wasn’t right. She wants everything you say to match what she wants, and for you to agree with her.
She would be terrible to work with. If she was your boss, nothing would be right with your work. If she worked for you, she wouldn’t be happy with being given any tasks.
Feeling in control might make her feel good and is a way for her to get what she wants. But behaving that way is not sustainable in the long term.
She maybe used to her friends allowing for her attitude. They are used to her being this way but they wouldn’t have to spend so much time with her, unlike her boyfriend.
How it makes you, the boyfriend, feel
At first, a boyfriend will try and take steps to please his girlfriend. He may wear what she wants or stop doing things she doesn’t like.
Over time, his own individual personality would soon be eroded into nothing. His own inner expression would be defined by his girlfriend until he asked for her opinion and approval for everything.
His friends may find it amusing at first that he can’t do anything without his girlfriend’s say so. She probably checks up on him as well if she’s controlling.
His friends would notice that he doesn’t say much anymore when he’s with her. He may lose his confidence if nothing he can do is ever right and he’s constantly criticized.
If the fault finding is mild and just “advice”, then maybe the boyfriend could handle it and think of it as just the way she is. He may see if he can please her as anyone would want to do with their other half.
He has to be very careful that he doesn’t let it bother him too much and take steps if it does. It could be very close to becoming abusive, which I’ll mention about below.
What you can do about it
You have 3 options. You can either try to please her by doing what she asks. You can talk to her about it to try and get her to change her behavior. Or you can leave her.
Think if you go really well together and you enjoy your time spent with her. It doesn’t bother you and doesn’t happen very often.
Then her fault finding maybe something you can live with. You can adjust some of what you do to make it look like you’re trying to please her.
If it’s starting to get to you or you don’t see a future unless she changes, it might be worth saying something to her.
You could sit her down and tell her everything she does which annoys you. If it keeps happening, then tell her again immediately when she starts being picky. Then she knows when she’s doing it.
You need to tell her the consequences if she doesn’t change her attitude. She needs to know the relationship depends on it and you mean what you say.
If you choose to break up because you see no future and you can’t stand anymore. Tell her why. Then she knows for her future boyfriends that she can’t keep doing what she’s doing.
You would be doing her a favor by telling her. Over time, she’ll realize she can’t behave this way and might do something about it. Then you’ll be free to be independent and not to be judged.
When it becomes abusive
From what I’ve described above it’s already abusive really. No one should have to put up with someone finding faults with them on a regular basis.
You wouldn’t put up with it from a male friend and you shouldn’t put up with it from a girlfriend either. It’s difficult if you love her, but you have to think of your own inner health.
We often accept all kinds of behavior in our romantic relationships. We need to have more self respect so we can stand up for ourselves when we’re not treated right.
If it gets to the point where you feel anxiety when you’re about to see her, or when you see her name on your phone when it’s ringing. Then it’s a problem for you.
When your self confidence and self esteem is affected, you really should leave her. You’ll feel a sense of relief afterwards and be so much happier over time.
Pay attention to what those closest to you have to say. If you’re not your usual self and you’ve changed for the worse, then do yourself a favor and rethink your relationship.
Fault finding, blaming, nitpicking, or any kind of criticism is not productive and not nice. If your girlfriend likes the way you do something or could suggest ways to improve it, that’s ok.
There’s a very fine line before someone you’re supposed to love is not showing love back to you. There are no good reasons for doing it and you shouldn’t ever excuse the behavior.
There are steps you can take if you see potential in the relationship. But ultimately, you need to decide if you can put up with the fault finding long term.
You need to disregard what other people think of this girl and how she behaves towards them. It’s what she says to you that matters and if it’s getting you down.
There are plenty of other girls out there who would be grateful to be with someone who cared about what they thought. Spend time with them rather than someone so critical.
If you meet a new girlfriend, then armed with what I’ve said here, you know what a healthy relationship is. That’s what we all deserve.