My Girlfriend Avoids My Family (What You Can Do)

Happy couple

It’s unusual for a girlfriend to avoid their boyfriend’s family.

She may have a good reason why, and you’ll need to get that out of her.

In this article I’ll look at why she could be avoiding them and what you can do about it.

My girlfriend avoids my family

You need to find out why she does this. If it’s something she’s chosen because of her, them or you. You should gently encourage her to see them in neutral locations so she’s relaxed. If she still avoids them, you need to decide how important this is for you.

Has she been like this with other boyfriends?

I would find out if she’s always been like this. If she makes a habit out of by being this way with her previous boyfriends, then it’s nothing personal to you or your family.

Even if it wasn’t the case, she might not admit it. It is strange not to meet your boyfriend’s family and to actively go out of your way to avoid them.

Your family is usually a big part of your life and your girlfriend could well be a part of it over time too. It would be a good thing if they could meet and get along.

If she’s young, then I can understand she might want to avoid your family and parents, she might be nervous. If the relationship is new, maybe she feels there’s no need to meet them so soon.

You need to ask her why because it’s not normal is it. I can understand her not wanting to go out somewhere, but not to meet a family of someone she’s in a relationship with is unusual.

Have you said something to put her off?

Has she actually met any of them? Maybe she has or she’s heard something and that’s put her off. She’s decided she wants to spend no time with them.

Have you inadvertently said something that made her change her mind about meeting them? Or if she has met them, what have you said makes her not want to repeat the experience.

Perhaps she’s heard something from someone else and your family has a reputation that makes her avoid them.

Maybe one of your family members has made her feel unwelcome. It may be a friend who’s said some things behind your back.

Even if someone has says something then a girlfriend should still meet a family out of respect for the boyfriend. It takes no effort or inconvenience to hang out together.

Does she dislike your family, or they her?

What if they have met, and your girlfriend has been put off by them. If they actively dislike each other, then they may not want to meet again.

Maybe she met your parents and they didn’t like her. Perhaps her parents don’t approve of the relationship and all she can do is stay away from them.

Maybe there’s just one of your family members she doesn’t get on with. Maybe it’s your mom who doesn’t like the look of her or no one is good enough for her son.

Perhaps they dislike her and she’s picked up on it or a bad atmosphere. If one of your family members makes it clear she’s not liked, then who can blame her for not wanting to see them.

She could have heard rumors about you and your family from someone else. While she may love and be happy to be your girlfriend, that’s as far as she wants to take it when it comes to your family.

Has she got something to hide?

Does she actually know your brother or sister and they will recognize her if she met them. Maybe something has happened to her that one of your family members knows about and she wants to keep it a secret.

She may have had a thing for your brother or kissed him once and she doesn’t want that to come out in the open. For this reason, she may not want to meet one of your friends either.

She could definitely be worried that something could get out about her. She has something to hide by staying away and this is for the benefit of your relationship.

Maybe she feels self conscious. If she’s a lot older than you or doesn’t feel good enough for you, she may want to stay away to avoid being judged negatively.

Perhaps she just feels comfortable around you and that’s the way she likes it right now. Your previous girlfriend wasn’t like that, but everyone is different.

Maybe she doesn’t like you enough

Perhaps she doesn’t feel the relationship has reached the point where you meet each others family. You may think the world of her but she could be on the fence about you.

It may be disappointing if this is the reason, but perhaps she takes things slower than you. Maybe she feels meeting your family is a big step and one she doesn’t feel she is ready for or is necessary yet.

It is a reason for avoiding your relatives and may make you think about the relationship as a whole if you’re not on the same page. You can only find this one out from her by asking.

She’s unlikely to admit her feelings for you aren’t as strong as yours. But it’s the sort of thing you’d want to know and it would be a turning point in the relationship.

It may come down to making an effort and she’s doesn’t feel like doing that for you. Whether that’s on you or her is something you’ll need to figure out.

Happy couple

What is she afraid of?

It is something people feel nervous of to meet their boyfriend’s family. You want to make a good impression, especially if you really like him and his family means a lot to him.

She’s going to feel nervous at any age, but especially if she’s young. It’s a big deal and maybe something she doesn’t want to go through yet.

Some families are different. Some don’t get on or have a different way of doing things. Maybe she’s encountered something in the past that puts her off meeting yours.

Have you met her family? She may feel inclined for you not to meet her family and she feels the same way about yours. Perhaps she’s embarrassed by hers and it’s what she does.

Maybe she has the sort of personality you either love or hate. She may be aware of this and has had trouble before meeting parents or other people who could judge her.

How to got them to meet

If it’s definitely something you’ve noticed, that your girlfriend is avoiding your family, you need to find out from her what the issue is. Using that information will help you the most on getting them to meet.

You will have to start a subtle campaign over a period of time to convince your girlfriend to meet them. You’ll have to say how nice they are and how happy they’ll be to see her.

You could always be even more subtle and arrange for family members to be where you, your girlfriend and friends are. Perhaps your brother or sister could be out with you all and then after they’ve met, you could tell her that you’re related.

This way she has no choice in the matter. She’d be meeting them on neutral territory and somewhere where she’s happy. Meeting the rest would be far less worrying for her if she get’s on with one of them already.

Meeting somewhere other than their home is always a good way to break the ice. Also, do something like bowling or something else. This gives you all something to talk about, enjoy and a way of getting to know each other

How to make them get along

Perhaps your family have met her and they don’t really see eye to eye. Maybe they have different personalities and it would be great if they could get along.

At first you could invite them to do something that doesn’t take much interpersonal communication. Watching a movie, for example, doesn’t take much conversation at first and only when it ends.

Any sport or activity you and your family members could do would be a great way to encourage them to get along. As long as it’s somewhere where your girlfriend feels at ease.

It might be an idea to find something your parents (or one of them) would enjoy with your girlfriend. Getting one relative on side is a lot better than them all meeting at once which can be intimidating for her.

Make sure it’s not a formal gathering or an important party. Anything where you don’t have to dress up and you can relax around everyone, will help.

It’s something you may have to accept

If you’ve tried everything you can and it hasn’t worked. Maybe she just doesn’t want to meet them and you’ll have to accept it.

Your girlfriend could be set in her ways and it’s something she doesn’t do. She doesn’t want to meet your family no matter what you arrange.

If you’ve tried a lot and nagged her about it, it could well start annoying her. She may have her reasons and there’s nothing you can say to change her mind.

Whether you can accept it is up to you. If your family are a big part of your life and you’re close. Could it be something you can’t accept?

It may be a choice for you between your family and her. Perhaps she may ask you to make that choice herself. It’s definitely something you may need to think about down the line.

Final thoughts

If your girlfriend avoids your family, you need to find out why. Is it something to do with her, with them or you. Have your family noticed and are wondering when they’ll see her.

She may be young or the relationship new and doesn’t think she should or need to meet them yet. If she is young, she may feel nervous about it and that may put her off.

If they don’t like each other, this will be a difficult one for you. You’ll need to think about ways you can encourage them to get along. Get a single family member to meet her somewhere she likes.

After a while there’s only so much you can do and you may need to accept it if it’s not meant to be. It is unusual, but that’s the way it has to be.

Hopefully, once she knows how much they mean to you. She might come around to spending time with them. Give her time and make sure she knows it’s her choice and you’ll still love whatever she chooses.

Emma Taylor

I'm a relationship expert with years of experience who's given advice to hundreds of people. I hope you've found some good advice here too.

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