Are you sure he’s bored with you? Is he just fed up with how his life is instead?
Here I’ve gone through the tell-tale signs that show if he is bored and what to do about them.
4 signs he’s bored with you and what to do about them
I’ve divided them into 4 categories with detailed explanations of each.
1. Conversational signs
He doesn’t listen – Do you ever get the feeling you’re talking, and he’s not listening? Does he respond as though he’s not heard what you’ve said?
Does he make what you’ve said about him. Like he’s not interested in what you have to say? You may get the impression he’s been thinking about something else altogether.
If he wanders off while you’re talking, he’s definitely bored of what you’re saying and you have to be worried if it happens a lot. An interested husband doesn’t do this.
He has short answers – Perhaps he has been listening, but if he’s bored, he might have a short answer for you, when what you said deserves something far longer.
Perhaps you asked his opinion of something and you got an unrelated response which comprised of a few words. When you’ve told him something and he’s responded with a one word answer like “Really?” or something just as unhelpful, he’s bored of you.
He interrupts you – A sign is if he doesn’t even let you finish before he speaks. You could be in the middle of telling him something important and he doesn’t let you continue. This can come across as rude.
If you’re in a group and instead of letting you finish he turns and talks to someone else. Perhaps he’s heard it all before and doesn’t have the patience to hear it again.
He sighs or yawns when you speak – These are the sort of things he may do which is very difficult to hide. Perhaps he tries to cover his mouth when he knows he’s doing it so as to not offend you.
Sighs aren’t involuntary and are sometimes difficult to spot. But that deep breath in while you’re talking is not natural and is a sign of boredom.
He doesn’t ask questions – This is where you’ve said something and he doesn’t continue the conversation. There is a definite gap where he should speak and he doesn’t.
If he does ask something, it’s small or unnecessary and shows he has little interest in what you’ve said, and less interest in the reply.
What to do
You could try not speaking and see if he fills in the silence. A husband who still loves his wife wouldn’t want to eat a meal in silence and not say anything.
Ask him open ended questions. These are questions you can’t answer just yes or no with. They require a detailed answer so try it and see what sort of response you get.
Take more of an interest in him. It may seem like you should do the opposite, but it might make him converse more, especially if you seem to do all the talking and it’s always about you.
Try starting a hobby so there’s something of interest for both of you to talk about. You got on well enough to get married so it might just take something new to get the spark back.
2. Body language signs
He can’t maintain eye contact – If you’re interested in someone you give them all the attention you can and take it all in. You can only do this by looking at them.
Whether you’re talking or not. He should be looking at you to be interested in what you’re doing or how you’re doing it. Eye contact is a big deal and means a lot.
He doesn’t face you – If he wants to subconsciously get away from you while you’re talking, he won’t face you. It’s a way of giving himself a quick exit in his mind.
It’s something we do involuntarily. When we like someone we face them, and when we’re bored we don’t. This is subtle but obvious when you spot it.
He plays with his hands – Perhaps he has something he’s holding or he’s looking at his nails. What you’re saying is boring and so he’s doing something else to keep his mind occupied.
Any general fidgeting is a dead giveaway. If he can’t sit still and is restless when he isn’t normally. You know when your husband isn’t fully engaged in what you’re saying.
He nods a lot – Someone who’s hoping you’ll finish what you have to say will nod a lot. If he combines this by saying yes frequently, then he’s bored.
We do this when we’ve heard something before. In a shop if you’re being read fine print or something just as boring we all nod a lot because we don’t want to hear it.
He folds his arms – This is a sign he’s physically closed to what you’re saying. Combine this with facing away and you have someone who’s not listening or has any interest.
As well as folding arms, if his body language is rigid and he’s not moving at all, it’s a sign of boredom. People naturally move and gesture around.
What to do
In combination with the conversational solutions above, make sure he hasn’t got anything distracting him so he can concentrate on what you’re saying.
Mirror his body language. This will make him feel very strange and he won’t know why. He’s giving out all these signals that he’s bored and you’re talking to him and doing the same thing.
If he starts to drift off, remind him that you’re talking. Touch him on his arm to prompt him that you haven’t finished so he can listen to the rest.
Sit forward and make sure he’s paying attention to what you’re saying. Use your body in such a direct way so he doesn’t have any choice but to listen to you.
3. Relationship signs
He’s not affectionate – If your husband was always a touchy feely man and that’s dwindled down to next to nothing, it’s a sign of boredom.
It’s natural as a relationship progresses, we get used to each other and may behave a little more aloof, but not to show any love is unusual.
He’s critical and impatient – He may find things wrong with everything you do and say. How you look, keep the house, anything that normally wouldn’t bother him.
Is he trying to rush everything you do as though he doesn’t have time even though he does? Is he annoyed at the slightest thing? This is impatience.
He has no interest in family life – Does he spend less time with you and the children. Is he always out and never at home. If so, he could be doing it because he’s bored.
He could find things to do in the home that don’t involve you. He’ll spend time on his phone or laptop. He doesn’t go out with friends if you’re there as well.
He has less interest in sex – Lack of intimacy is a sign that he’s bored and less interested in being with you. Do you communicate less in the bedroom than you used to?
He’ll find you less appealing and he’ll flirt less with you. He won’t buy you any gifts like flowers, which would signify a loving relationship.
He’s not interested in your daily life – Is he curious about what you’re up to or how your day has been? You’d want to know these things from someone you lived with, especially your wife.
You can’t live with someone and not say or ask them anything. When he does talk, does he only talk about himself? A selfish attitude is something to look out for.
What to do
If he’s not showing any interest in the relationship, it’s very hard to have you try harder. He needs to see you flourishing and then he’ll be more inclined to take in interest.
The less you do for him and live your own life, the more he’ll want to know what you’re doing and why you’re happy if he’s bored. Try not to show affection towards him if it’s not reciprocated.
Don’t bow down to his negative attitude and try to please him. If he’s being critical, try to challenge him. It’s not ok and he’ll respect you if you stand up for yourself.
Get to know and go out with your friends again. You’re not trying to beat him at his own game and he is your husband. But he’s got to know what he’s missing in being an enthusiastic part of your life.
Where intimacy is concerned, there are things you can do to get him to show more interest. Lingerie does work but make him work for it. Don’t throw yourself on him, tease him first.
4. Personal signs
He’s getting lazy – If you want him to do something and he doesn’t do it, or he seems to lounge around the house, it’s not a good sign. Is he unusually lazy all of a sudden?
Has he got a lack of motivation for anything around the house? You would want to question if he’s ok but he could be just bored with the relationship instead and can’t be bothered.
He lacks enthusiasm and energy – Does he not have the get up and go that he used to have? Are his normal hobbies taking a back burner when they normally pique his interest?
He may get up late in an attempt to spend less time with you and doesn’t feel he needs to make an effort. This is different when he’s out of the house or with someone else.
He’s interested in females – Does he make comments about how some women look on TV, like how attractive they are? Perhaps he talks to your female friends more, or talks about them to you.
He could be tempted by other women if his marriage is boring. Is he following more females on social media or even sending messages to female friends more than he used to?
He’s becoming messy – This matches with his disinterest of you so he doesn’t tidy up after himself. He lets you do it for him and more of the housework. He’s stopped doing his bit.
Perhaps his hygiene needs looking at. If we’re unhappy in our relationship, we may not care about our appearance.
He’s miserable – Our marriage is the most important thing in our lives. If it’s not going well, it’s going to get us down and we’ll be unhappy.
This will manifest itself in everything he does. His job may be affected or he may start going to a bar and drinking more. His spending habits may be affected. These are symptoms he shouldn’t ignore.
He gets defensive – If you question him, does he think you’re being intrusive or accusing him of something? Is he starting to hide details of his whereabouts from you?
He may just not feel like telling you, but it’s still something to be concerned about. If it’s so bad you don’t feel like talking to him for fear he’ll react, you need to do something about it.
What to do
If he’s getting bored and it’s affecting him to the point there are personal signs of it. Then see if he’ll get couples therapy with you. There could be a good reason he feels this way.
He can always see someone without you being there it’s something he doesn’t want you to know. Either way, encourage him, even if you’re not getting on, to work on the relationship.
Whatever problems he has, doing nothing is not going to make them any better. In the end you must find out what has changed for him to be bored. Does he regret marrying you?
Maybe he’s at a difficult age or he married too young. Some husbands get to an age where they regret getting tied down so young. Or maybe he’s going through some sort of midlife crisis?
Whatever the problem, communication is the key.
You’ve got many signs and clues to see if your husband is bored with you here. What you need to make sure of is if he’s bored with you personally, or being in a relationship.
Would he be bored at this point with whoever he was married to? Think about what you can do or not do to ease his boredom.
Look at my “What to do” sections at every sign you see. Maybe there are things you can try, but sometimes he’s got to make an effort too.
Marriage is about two people and he loved you to be with you in the first place. So he can take steps to see why he’s feeling bored.
If you’re wondering if your husband is bored with you then he could be, and he could have been for a while. But it doesn’t need to stay that way.