My Husband Ruins Every Vacation (Why And What To Do)


Unhappy couple

Do you dread going on vacation with your husband? Does he ruin every special day?

Is he just plain belligerent and does his behavior affect every holiday?

Here I look at why he does it and what you can do about it.

Taking your husband on vacation

A vacation should be a special time for you and the whole family to get away from it all and relax. It should help you bond with each other after the stress of working life.

It’s a time to enjoy yourself and you look forward to it all year if it’s an annual event. You take time to choose where to go and you spend money on hotels.

But for some wives, the reality of going on a holiday with their husband is a complete nightmare. He’s able to ruin it every time and you need another vacation to get over it.

If there are children involved, it makes everything worse. Especially if your husband is behaving like a grown up child. You have multiple calls for your attention.

What you need is a plan of action and some tips on what to do when things turn sour. You may not have the vacation you’ve always dreamed of, but it may be better than the usual disaster.

5 Ways your husband ruins the vacation

Some people can be very good at ruining a special day. Your husband may be one of them. Here are the most common ways of ruining it.

1. He gets miserable

If he’s out of his comfort zone, he might get miserable. If you’re not doing exactly what he wants, it might affect his mood.

He may have certain expectations of a vacation that aren’t being met. Instead of productively doing something about it, he gets miserable and makes everyone else feel that way too.

Maybe he’s used to getting his own way or being the center of attention. Something isn’t right for him and the look on his face and the way he’s acting will say it all.

2. He gets drunk

A vacation is the perfect time for alcohol to flow more freely. The problem is, it flows more freely for some more than others.

It’s the kind of behavior your husband can’t have normally. It’s only when on holiday when there are no commitments that excessive alcohol can be a problem.

A drunk husband on vacation will often get belligerent with you and others. He may feel it’s ok to get drunk since he’s on holiday. But he doesn’t have to put up with the consequences.

3. He blames others

Nothing is ever his fault. It could be the staff at a hotel or other holiday makers. They are the reason for things going wrong.

Your husband could take responsibility for something bad happening. The vacation is affected and someone else is to blame.

He might even blame you, his wife. If you had chosen a better hotel or to travel at a better time of year. Things would have been different.

4. He argues with everyone

This will be a combination of the alcohol and him being unhappy. He may take things out on other people on their vacation and argues with them.

Arguing with anyone and everyone is the perfect way to ruin the family holiday. It’s embarrassing and he can be removed from a hotel or bar.

No one likes spending time with argumentative people. If your husband behaves likes this on every vacation, you’ll wonder why you bother going in the first place.

5. He thinks he’s done nothing wrong

No matter what he does, he might think he’s the innocent party every time. He can’t see how his behavior affects other people.

His wife has to put up with his ignorance and deep down he probably knows it’s down to him. He thinks he’s always right.

There could be something about a vacation that brings this out in people. He may refuse to listen to you as you sort out his mess.

5 Reasons why your husband does it

He knows he’s in the wrong when his behavior affects your vacation. It’s can’t be enjoyable for him as well as you. Here are reasons that could be behind it.

1. Lack of respect

He doesn’t respect you anymore and his way of dealing with that and his feelings is to ruin the vacation. He may not be enjoying himself, so he doesn’t want you to either.

Vacationing requires some organization and being told what to do, maybe he doesn’t like that. He’s used to doing his own thing, so he’s rebelling against you.

He may feel he’s had no choice and made no decisions about the trip so he’s ruining it for you. Instead of being mature about things, he may behave like a spoiled child.

2. An unhappy marriage

When things aren’t going well in a marriage, it’s easy to live day to day without much contact with each other. This is the opposite on vacation where you have to cooperate closely.

Instead of talking about an unhappy marriage, you may have chosen to go on vacation to sort things out and it’s had the opposite effect. You’ve taken an unhappy home life with you.

If things have been rushed, you’ve not had the chance to set out some expectations. Vacations can help an unhappy marriage if you both have an open outlook. But it takes effort from both of you.

Unhappy couple

3. He doesn’t like traveling

Maybe your husband doesn’t like going on holiday as much as you. Some people like a routine and they don’t like it when that changes. Ruining the holiday is his way of dealing with it.

He might not mean to, but he doesn’t like traveling and it puts him in a bad mood. This might be something you don’t have in common if it’s something you enjoy.

His idea of a good break from work may be staying at home for a few days. He may have gone along with the vacation because it’s something you wanted to do.

4. It’s learned behavior

He may think it’s what you do on holiday. You mess around and don’t take anything too seriously. You drink alcohol and have fun.

His parents may have argued whenever they went away when he was a child. He may see it as something normal and has copied their behavior.

He may see a vacation as something where excessiveness and rebelling is acceptable. Perhaps he hasn’t grown up as much as you expected him to.

5. He doesn’t care

He may see a vacation as something whereas no one will ever see him again, so he doesn’t care about his behavior. He ends up ruining it.

It’s a time where anything goes and if you don’t share this point of view, you’re not going to enjoy it or him.

You may think this attitude is the wrong one if there are children involved, but he knows you can take care of them. He’s worked all year and this is now his recreational time.

5 Ways to save the vacation

If he ruins every vacation, then you know what he’s going to be like. Here are some ways you can try and get some enjoyment from the vacation for yourself.

1. Plan well in advance

Even when booking your trip, let him have some input, don’t do it all yourself. If you’re also doing something he wants he’ll be less likely to play up.

If you’re looking to go away to improve an unhappy marriage, then you need to sit down and talk well before you go. You both need to find out what’s wrong and agree what you’ll do to make it right.

If you know what he’s like on vacation, then you need to discuss some of what he can and can’t do. You need to do this before, when everyone’s calm, not at the heat of the moment when you’re already there.

Plan what you’ll be doing everyday so you can be prepared. If you both agree to this beforehand, then he can’t argue if it’s something he doesn’t enjoy or doesn’t want to do.

Let him have some fun. It won’t be much of a vacation for him if he can’t let his hair down at some point. He’ll only act up if everything revolves around you or the children all the time.

2. Try and avoid drama

If you know what sets him off, then you can try and stop it occurring. If he starts an argument with you or anyone else, distract from what’s bothering him.

If there are other guests or something he doesn’t like or get on with. Don’t go near and take him away from the situation, especially if he’s had a drink.

It may be easier said than done, but with some management, you may be able to make things go more smoothly. Then you can enjoy yourself a bit more.

3. Don’t rise to the bait

If he’s being belligerent with you or causing a scene. You need to stay calm and even walk away. Arguments have a way of continuing, so best not to let them start in the first place.

We’re trying to avoid the anxiety and stress levels from rising. He may want you to feel a certain way but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.

He may know which buttons to press with you to get you going. But you must do everything you can to stay in control and not let him ruin it for you.

4. Leave him alone

This is something a lot of wives have done to their husbands on many vacations. After a while you just have to leave him alone and let him do his own thing.

If he’s been at the bar all afternoon and you can see it’s starting to affect him. You might be better off leaving him to it.

This may be difficult if it’s just you and your husband on vacation. But think of it as a time when you can do something by yourself you may enjoy.

5. Go on a separate vacation

You may be obliged to go on vacation with your husband. But that doesn’t mean you can’t go on another one with your friends at another time of the year.

This way you won’t take it so badly if he affects your vacation with him. You know you’ve got another one with your friends where you can properly enjoy yourself.

If cost is a problem, then make each vacation smaller. Just have one where you take a break yourself from the drama that comes with your husband.

If there’re children at home, he can look after them. A separate vacation could be beneficial to your marriage in the long run.

Final thoughts

If your husband loves you and he knows what he’s like when you both go away. Then he’s likely to make an effort to stop ruining every vacation.

If he doesn’t care and has no respect for you, then you need to educate your husband. He can’t behave that way and expect your marriage to be a happy one.

Hopefully it’s just a one off thing and he gets a little excited. Some of us have a lot of energy and holidays are times to expend it.

Just a talk and maybe some boundaries are all he needs. Involve him in planning the vacation so he feels like its something he wants to do.

If things don’t improve, make the vacation with him shorter and have another one with your friends. Be sure to let him know why you’re doing it.

Emma Taylor

I'm a relationship expert with years of experience who's given advice to hundreds of people. I hope you've found some good advice here too.

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