My Wife Won’t Talk To Me (She’s Gone Silent)

Unhappy couple

Is she purposefully not talking to you when she normally does?

Do you want your normal talkative wife back? If so, this article is for you.

Here are some possible reasons she’s gone quiet, what she actually wants and what you can do about it.

My wife won’t talk to me

A silent wife can be a stressful experience for both of you. Find out what the issue is and talk it over until you’re both happy with the outcome. If it keeps happening, there could be a deeper problem with the relationship.

5 Reasons she won’t talk

Something must have happened for her to behave this way, and it could be your fault. So here is a selection of the possible reasons:

1. She’s upset with you

This is normally the number one reason. Have you had a fight, or you said or did something she didn’t like?

There could be many possible ways you’ve upset her and it’s probably not the first time it’s happened.

You may not know exactly what you’ve done, but you know there’s something wrong, so you need to find out what it is.

If she’s upset with you, it’s going to last until you do something about it. She might not make it easy for you.

Fortunately, if she’s upset it will be temporary. If you’ve encountered this before, you probably know how it works.

2. She doesn’t love you anymore

This is a big one if she’s fallen out of love with you and she’s not actually conversing with you.

If she feels this way, then there’s no reason, in her eyes, to continue a dialogue that’s not productive.

If her love has gone, she’s probably been going silent for a long time and you haven’t noticed. She doesn’t care anymore.

For her love to go, there could be any number of reasons. Perhaps you’ve grown apart over the years and she no longer feels the same way.

Whatever the reason, love takes an enormous amount of work from both partners to get back. One of the first things to do is restart a dialogue between you.

3. She’s found someone else

If her head has been turned by another man, then she may stop talking to you. She may have found a better conversation with someone else.

At first she may have been more talkative because she felt guilty or doesn’t want you to know. But then she would eventually go quiet.

If she’s planning to leave, then communication will stop between you. If the relationship is new, there are steps you can take to win her back.

You’ll need to pull out every stop to get her to change her mind. One of those is to get her to talk.

You need to explain to her that your marriage is worth saving. She will need to believe that and make an effort to help make it happen.

4. She gets no response

If she’s getting fed up with you and she gets no response. Or not a decent response she can work with. She might go all silent on you.

Maybe you’re talking about something and she knows you don’t want her opinion. So she’ll rather not bother saying anything at all.

This is similar to a communication breakdown and the only way she can overcome it is by not talking. Maybe she’s tried in the past but it hasn’t worked.

You need to start listening to and respecting your wife and what she has to say. It’s no good for both of you if one of you doesn’t feel like they’re being heard.

This doesn’t happen right away. She has learned the way you are over time and you must admit, it must be pretty bad if all she can do is go silent. It’s a reflection on you.

5. She has nothing to say

This is a bad one. What if she has heard it all before and has nothing new to say. Perhaps you have nothing in common anymore and silence fills the air.

This typically happens further into the marriage when you know each other well. Usually your personalities take over, but perhaps there’s nothing there.

You sometimes see couples out to eat and they’re sitting there and not saying anything. They’re silent for the whole meal.

It’s horrible to see and if you’re not careful, it could be the way you and your wife are if you don’t do something about it.

You have to find something you can both talk about. Maybe a new hobby or go on holiday where you experience something new. This will give you both the chance to get on with each other like you used to.

Unhappy couple

4 Things she actually wants

When you get the silent treatment, you need to know what your wife needs from you and what can make things better. Here I go through what they are:

1. She wants some space

Your first response may be to try and get her to tell you what’s wrong or what you can do to make it right. But sometimes all she needs is time and space.

Space means she doesn’t want to be near you while she’s upset. You remind her of what makes her angry and it’s best she gets away from it.

There’s probably nothing you can say sometimes, so it’s best to leave her alone if that’s what she wants. When she’s calmed down, she’ll be more receptive to what you have to say.

This is the same with time. In time, her mood will go back to normal and she’ll start talking again.

2. She wants you to make it right

If you’ve done something wrong, this is the first thing you should do. Don’t argue or try to justify yourself, just sort out the problem and make it go away.

If there’s an underlying cause to her silence, she’s going to want you to get the reason out of her. Especially if it’s something she’s done wrong in the relationship.

If she’s bored, she wants you to organize things to do that you’ll both enjoy and get you talking to each other again.

She knows you’re not a mind reader, but at the same time you did marry her and know her well. So she’ll expect you to know what makes her happy.

At the end of the day it’s you she’s going silent on because you’re the one to blame. So it’s you who’s going to have to make it right.

3. She wants you to listen

She may be silent because you don’t ever listen to her. You don’t acknowledge what she says, or it doesn’t mean anything to you.

She may have problems or issues you’re not accepting, and she needs to tell you them. You need to make time and sit down and listen to what she has to say.

You may not have been truly listening for months and pretending everything is ok. You need to sit down with her and have a serious talk.

Find out if there’s anything she needs from you. If she knows you’re willing to go the extra step, she’ll be more inclined to talk again.

4. She wants you to compromise

Not everyone gets their own way and she may want you to take her feelings in to account. Marriage is about compromise and that may be all she wants from you.

She may feel the only way to get you to understand her point of view is to go silent. So before this happens, think of her needs as well as yours and get them to match.

Make sure she’s happy with any decisions that could affect her. This way she knows her opinion is important and you need to get it before doing anything.

You may not be used to doing this but it’ll make her and you happier in the long run. It’s how an equal relationship should be.

Don’t accept too much silent treatment

It’s perfectly acceptable if someone doesn’t want to talk to you if they’re upset or annoyed. It’s the way some people deal with their feelings.

What isn’t acceptable is when the “silent treatment” goes on for a long period or happens regularly.

It can go too far and isn’t a suitable mechanism to deal with interpersonal problems. It certainly shouldn’t be used in a marriage.

The silent treatment is a form of coercive control and is a way for someone to get what they want. Without regard to anyone else’s feelings.

Take care of how this behavior is making you feel. If your wife thinks she can get her way by being silent all the time, it’s going to start having an effect on you.

It’s going to start getting you down because what your wife is doing is unhealthy and toxic. Challenge her if this behavior persists and don’t put up with it.

Final thoughts

How long has your wife not spoken to you? Is it a recent thing after an argument or has it become permanent?

Any marriage can be complicated and depending on how she feels and what you may have done. Will be a sign of how long she’ll be silent for.

You need to give her space and then talk about what could be wrong, then make some changes to make it right.

Finally, if this is a regular thing and her silence is getting you down. Then you need to tell her it can’t continue and explain how it makes you feel.

Hopefully, her silence is just something she does occasionally. Something not worth worrying about. You may just need to make an effort with her a bit more.

Emma Taylor

I'm a relationship expert with years of experience who's given advice to hundreds of people. I hope you've found some good advice here too.

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