Will My Wife Ever Come Back? (It Can Happen)

Unhappy couple

If a wife leaves her husband, she’s made a major life decision that affects everyone involved.

A husband will do everything he can to get her back.

She may come back on her own, or she made need some encouragement.

Here I go through getting your wife to come back and how to make it happen.

The initial separation

Separating from a wife is a very traumatic experience for a husband. It’s life changing when his wife moves out of the home.

When we marry, we expect it to last a lifetime. We both go into it because we see and want a future with our partner.

Unfortunately, for the wife to physically go. It’s not a decision she makes lightly, and there may have been some preparation involved.

It may be a decision she made for some time before she actually went. She would have needed to organize for somewhere to go.

She will have seen it as a last resort if the marriage isn’t going well. She may have tried to reconcile with you, her husband, unsuccessfully.

If there are children involved, something must have seriously gone wrong between you. No mother wants to separate a child from their father without good reason.

Your first thought may be to try and convince her she’s making the wrong decision. You may have begged her to think again as she walked out the door.

This won’t work, but it doesn’t mean you have to give up. You just need to give it more thought.

First you need to know why she’s gone in the first place. Then you can think about ways of getting her back.

What’s the reason for the separation?

There could be a number of reasons. But I would be very surprised if you didn’t know the number one reason that caused her to go.

She must have said why. She would have given you a chance to make amends if there’s something you could have done.

Did she regret marrying you? Was the marriage doomed in the first place? Have you changed during the marriage? Was it a marriage of convenience?

Did you have an affair? Did she meet someone else? I can only speculate a reason here, whereas you’re the one who knows for sure.

It’s armed with this information that will guide you as the best way to get your wife back. If it’s something you’ve done, you clearly regret it.

There was a study published that gave the most common reasons for divorce. Obviously you may only be separated at the moment, but these are a guide for you:

  1. Lack of commitment
  2. Infidelity or extramarital affairs
  3. Too much conflict and arguing
  4. Getting married too young
  5. Financial problems
  6. Substance abuse
  7. Domestic violence
  8. Health problems
  9. Lack of support from family
  10. Religious differences
  11. Little or no premarital education

The most common is a lack of commitment. The reason for your wife could be one or a number of these.

You need to correct whatever the cause is in her mind for her to come back. Her needs are not being met and you need to make sure they will be in the future.

6 Signs she wants to come back

All is not lost. Your wife may still have feelings for you. She may not openly admit it. But she may be open to what you have to say.

Depending on what’s happened and how long it’s been. You may see the following positive signs from your wife.

1. She’s talking to you again

If she’s really made her mind up, she wouldn’t talk to you at all. There’d be no communication.

What she says is important here. If it’s just necessary communication to do with documents or meeting children, that’s not so good.

If she’s showing an interest in you and asking more than the odd question. That shows she may have been thinking about you.

You know your wife best. You know when she’s making small talk and when she’s actually interested in what you have to say.

If she tells you personal things about herself. She may be open to reconcile whatever differences have caused the separation.

2. She’s talks about the past

This is a very good one. Does she reminisce about positive experiences you’ve had together?

Someone who doesn’t want to get back together with you wouldn’t bring this kind of thing up. She’s pining for the past.

When she does this, you need to convince her that there could be more good experiences in the future. If she’ll get back with you.

There must have been good things about your marriage. It can’t have been all bad. She must have been happy at some point.

A little encouragement from you always helps. Memories were shared and they can’t be easily forgotten.

3. Things have changed in her life

Life changes and very quickly sometimes. Is she happy with the decision she made by separating from you?

She might feel regret if she sees you’re happy and getting on with your life. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

If she left you for someone else. Perhaps she’s been arguing with him. Or is he different now she’s living with him and it’s no longer an affair?

An affair is something very exciting if a marriage has been boring or the sex has waned. But in the cold light of day she may see this new man differently.

Are you willing to allow her to come back if she feels she made the wrong decision? Could you forgive her for what she’s done?

If things have changed for her and she’s changed her mind. Don’t allow her back so easily. She made a big decision and she needs to think long and hard as to why she left.

4. She’s flirting with you

If she’s doing this, then she definitely wants to talk about getting back together. She may be subtle at first.

You may be used to her flirting with you when you were married. But doing it now you’re separated is different.

Of course she may just want sex and not a proper reconciliation. Whether you give into such temptation is up to you.

She knows you well and will know how to press your buttons. Flirting is a powerful tool and a wife knows how to use it on her husband.

My advice is not to jump into getting back together at the first sign of flirting. Let her work at it for a while.

5. She admits any wrong doing

Perhaps she made mistakes in the marriage as well as you. If she wants to talk about it, then you must see that as a good thing.

People who leave a marriage can be very stubborn and think they’ve done nothing wrong. If her angle changes, it’s a good sign.

Your best bet here is to patiently listen to her and allow her to get it off her chest. An understanding nature and admitting your part in the separation would work well.

No one likes to admit they’ve done something wrong, so it’s a big deal if she does. Take it for what it is and focus on communicating.

Avoid any blaming or getting her to apologize. When she’s in this frame of mind, try and extend the talk for as long as possible.

6. She wants to spend time with you

She may find good reasons and they may seem innocuous at first. But you may get the impression she’s making excuses to spend time with you.

If she wanted to stay separated, she wouldn’t make any time for you. She spent enough time with you when you were married.

I’ve met one woman who would invite a soon to be ex husband for a meal to “discuss the divorce”. There was an ulterior motive behind this and it was her, changing her mind.

If she makes plans and invites you along. Cancel any appointments you have and be there if that’s what you want.

Time is valuable to us all and we’re very careful about who we spend it with. It’s unusual for a separated wife to want to spend it with her husband.

Unhappy couple

Have you changed since your wife left?

If you’re the reason she left, she’s not going to want to come back until she knows things will be different.

She probably gave you plenty of chances before leaving to change your ways. You need to prove to her you have changed to stand a chance of getting her back.

What was it about you that made her leave? Was it an affair? Your drinking? Your job or lack of? Financial problems? Arguing? Family problems?

If it’s any one of these and you’ve sorted out the problem. Then you need to let her know. Don’t expect her to come back straight away.

Any issue won’t have been a one off occurrence. It will take a lot of convincing for a separated wife to believe any problem has gone away permanently.

Sometimes actions mean more than words. A totally new start may be needed to reconcile and reignite the marriage.

You may have to take steps you’re not comfortable with. But that’s probably what she’s going to want in order to save the marriage and come back.

She may still love you

She probably does. She must have done to marry you in the first place. You can’t easily turn off those feelings.

Even after everything that has happened and leaving. You may have been through a lot together, and had children.

Even though she does, that doesn’t mean getting her back will be something that can happen easily.

She left you despite her feelings. Unless you sort out the differences that caused her to leave in the first place, her love will eventually fade.

If you move on and you’re still in touch with her, you may notice she gets a little jealous. Those are her feelings of love.

Love can make you over look many faults in people. But sometimes it’s just not enough to save a marriage. This is why you need to be proactive in getting your wife back.

6 Ways to win your wife back

This is not going to be easy. It will take patience and understanding.

Your wife may have taken a long time to reach her decision to leave. She’s going to want to be sure she’s doing the right thing if she comes back.

1. Apologize for any hurt

This may be the last thing you want to do, especially if you don’t feel you’ve done anything wrong. But that’s probably not how she sees it.

She has her reasons and you’ll be part of them. Hopefully, you’ve found out why she left and now’s your chance to apologize.

She wants to hear you regret your part in her unhappiness. This means taking responsibility and acknowledging what you’ve done.

By doing this, it gets her to talk and see you in another light. You may feel uncomfortable doing this but winning her back means taking these kind of steps.

By all means tell her you didn’t mean to hurt her if that was the case. By you opening up about what you’ve done wrong will make her do the same.

2. Try marriage counseling

You should have tried this before she left. But it’s better late than never. If she sees a possibility of reconciliation, she should be open to this.

Choose a good therapist you can both agree on and go at a time that suits you both. Take it seriously when you’re there.

You may hear things you don’t agree with. It may seem like you’re being ganged up on. But don’t dismiss the process or react negatively.

This is about winning your wife back so you can’t let any stubbornness on your part come through. Make sure you listen as well as speak.

You may personally benefit from this by opening your mind to yourself and how you are. Your wife will be watching you closely.

3. Give her space

When she first walks out, her emotions will be running high. You need to give her some space and time to come to terms with her decision.

Harassing her at every opportunity is the opposite of what you should do. She’ll believe she’s done the right thing if she doesn’t think you’ve learned anything.

Use this time and space to get yourself together. Make any changes which caused her to leave you. She needs to notice a different person when she sees you again.

If she thinks you’ve gone downhill personally since she left, then you’ll never get her back. Make yourself a new man in every way.

She’ll be doing a lot of thinking in this time. You’ll be hoping she realizes she may have made a mistake.

4. Tell her you want her back

When you’ve given her space and you’ve changed your ways. She needs to know what you’ve done and that you want her back.

It’s during your communications with her that will help you to judge when and what to say. A gradual approach is the better one.

Avoid being too direct. Let her discover you’ve changed and you’ve met no one else. A hint here and there will serve you well.

Don’t be familiar with her. If she decides to come back, she’ll want a fresh start. That involves a fresh and new you too.

Don’t be desperate or say how her coming back will benefit you. She’ll know what you want. Try and give her the freedom to make her own decision.

5. Respect her opinion on what went wrong

She’s going to want to get it off her chest as to what went wrong if she considers coming back. Just listen, allow her to speak and don’t argue.

As your wife you should respect her anyway. But especially on this. Accept what she says and I don’t recommend even coming back with your own view.

If there are children involved. Don’t have these sensitive conversations in front of them. She’ll appreciate you respecting them too.

Your wife may have got the wrong impression over what went wrong. She may be behaving irrationally and conversation is proving hard to come by.

Ignore friends and family. Everyone will have an opinion on who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s you and your wife involved, so only they should matter.

6. Romance her again

A brand new start is what’s needed in the relationship, so romancing her again is what’s called for. Treat her to flowers and go on dates.

You want to show you’ve changed and the problems that occurred in the past are not there anymore. We want the relationship to be like the one that made the both of you get married in the first place.

It’s about her giving you a second chance. Try not to fall into any of the old habits that made her leave. It’s about renewing and trying again.

A marriage is a big deal and no one wants to leave if there’s any way to make things right. You may have spent many years together and she won’t want to throw that away unless things have gone too far.

By doing things you both enjoy, you can rekindle the enjoyment you had when you were first dating. Remember to take it slow and go at her pace.

Final thoughts

Remember your wife leaving you has an enormous effect on her as well as you. There must have been big changes in the marriage for your wife to make such a decision.

Don’t do anything hasty. Don’t demand she takes you back. She may come back on her own accord or you may have to gently encourage her. Either way, it’s going to take time.

Give her space and time for you both to come to terms with what’s happened. Make any changes in that time and use any contact you have with her carefully.

Reconciliation does happen and marriages survive. But not without work on both sides. For your wife to come back, she needs to know things have changed.

If you can reassure her of that and she feels you’re worth another shot. Then she’ll come back. Just make sure any changes you’ve made are permanent.

Emma Taylor

I'm a relationship expert with years of experience who's given advice to hundreds of people. I hope you've found some good advice here too.

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